Some Lame poem I wrote

static-harmony · 09.05.2006, 03:57 PM

The Corruption of Time

You ripped the sound of the sun,
And left it dying at a corner of dark days,
No angels found it there,
A sinking feeling left you sad,
It wasn’t remorse,
It wasn’t anger,
It wasn’t love,
It was…
After time split its mind in half,
You laid there in his arms babe,
With sweet unattached dreams to mankind,
And it wasn’t remorse,
It wasn’t anger,
It wasn’t love,
It was me darling.

It sounds emo.

Cantankerous · 09.05.2006, 03:58 PM

it's not emo really.

touch me i'm sick · 09.05.2006, 04:14 PM

i like that last line.

Hip Priest · 09.05.2006, 04:38 PM

The word 'emo', of course, is a modern contraction of 'emotional'. It's use here, at the end of a poem (a method of self-therapy if ever there was one) reminds the 'reader' of the character Big Chris's final line in Mr Ritchie's motion picture Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels: 'It's been emotional'. It is a clear reference to the mentally cleansing process of constructing a poem. By its use, the author poet asks us to view his poem sympathetically, with understanding and indulgence.

I quite liked the poem, personally.

static-harmony · 09.06.2006, 01:16 AM

Thx Kegmama

soniknirve · 09.06.2006, 01:17 AM

nice poem. the only thing emo about it was that you typed it out in black.

static-harmony · 09.06.2006, 01:20 AM

I didn't even realized that until I posted it.

alyasa · 09.06.2006, 02:47 AM

It's beautiful... Writing it must have been carthatic, to say the least...

Washing Machine · 09.06.2006, 08:12 AM

nice writing, don't worry its not emo! It has far more depth an emo 'Writer' could ever accomplish. For some odd reason the structure reminds me of a poet called Sheenagh Pugh, who everyone in this world apart from me hates lol.

swenson clane · 09.06.2006, 09:10 AM

swenson clane · 09.06.2006, 09:10 AM

09.05.2006, 03:57 PM	#1
static-harmony invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: outside L.A Posts: 5,156	The Corruption of Time You ripped the sound of the sun, And left it dying at a corner of dark days, No angels found it there, A sinking feeling left you sad, It wasn’t remorse, It wasn’t anger, It wasn’t love, It was… After time split its mind in half, You laid there in his arms babe, With sweet unattached dreams to mankind, And it wasn’t remorse, It wasn’t anger, It wasn’t love, It was me darling. It sounds emo. __________________
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09.05.2006, 03:58 PM	#2
Cantankerous invito al cielo Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: A RETIREMENT HOME Posts: 18,499	it's not emo really. __________________ RETIRED
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09.05.2006, 04:14 PM	#3
touch me i'm sick expwy. to yr skull Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 1,936	i like that last line.
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09.05.2006, 04:38 PM	#4
Hip Priest invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Birkenhead Posts: 9,397	The word 'emo', of course, is a modern contraction of 'emotional'. It's use here, at the end of a poem (a method of self-therapy if ever there was one) reminds the 'reader' of the character Big Chris's final line in Mr Ritchie's motion picture Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels: 'It's been emotional'. It is a clear reference to the mentally cleansing process of constructing a poem. By its use, the author poet asks us to view his poem sympathetically, with understanding and indulgence. I quite liked the poem, personally. __________________ Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. http://www.flickr.com/photos/outsidethecamp/
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09.06.2006, 01:16 AM	#5
static-harmony invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: outside L.A Posts: 5,156	Thx Kegmama __________________
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09.06.2006, 01:17 AM	#6
soniknirve the destroyed room Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 686	nice poem. the only thing emo about it was that you typed it out in black.
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09.06.2006, 01:20 AM	#7
static-harmony invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: outside L.A Posts: 5,156	I didn't even realized that until I posted it. __________________
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09.06.2006, 02:47 AM	#8
alyasa invito al cielo Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Singapore Posts: 3,791	It's beautiful... Writing it must have been carthatic, to say the least... __________________ Sab Kuch Tick Tock Hai
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09.06.2006, 08:12 AM	#9
Washing Machine expwy. to yr skull Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Cardiff, Spiderland Posts: 1,465	nice writing, don't worry its not emo! It has far more depth an emo 'Writer' could ever accomplish. For some odd reason the structure reminds me of a poet called Sheenagh Pugh, who everyone in this world apart from me hates lol. __________________ ....Of Course its some kinda cosmic payback for being too ironic!
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09.06.2006, 09:10 AM	#10
swenson clane bad moon rising Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 107	---
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