'How I lost my virginity' horror/semi-horror stories

SpectralJulianIsNotDead · 04.22.2009, 12:30 AM

I still haven't got past third. I'm horrible with women. Well I've had a few girls that I could have been with, but luckily didn't get with.

Kegmama · 04.22.2009, 12:34 AM

This is the best story I have read on here in a long time... The last pp is fucking excellent, no pun intended. Your flaccid penis may have made her sad, but it made me smile. Thank you.

Silent Dan Speaks · 04.22.2009, 12:34 AM

That's really, really awful. I'm pretty glad I don't have a story like that. On the bright side, you had nowhere to go but up.

static-harmony · 04.22.2009, 12:44 AM

Oh man, sorry my first time was nothing like this. But then again I don't remember my first time.

Kegmama · 04.22.2009, 12:45 AM

I lost my virginity when I was 15 to Kegpapa. We had only been together like 3 months. I thought I was going to wait until I was married for some horrific reason but then thought 'hes my thing, hes the one'. I ended up marrying him 6 years later anyway. F-ing insane.

My mom had the keys for some old ladies house that had recently died and I stole them so we could party there one night. We ended up drinking a bit. Some friends passed out in various rooms listening to her old records and being creeped out by the fact that we were in a dead house. Kegpapa and I ended up going into the guest room and did the deed. It was pretty good considering we were both virgins. Hurt like hell at first though, but we even managed two positions the first time. And we had to steal a sheet from the dead lady since we weren't thinking about all the fluids associated with sex. Gross.

pbradley · 04.22.2009, 12:49 AM

This would be perfect for an Japanese movie.

Kloriel · 04.22.2009, 12:59 AM

I was arrested for shooting a mother fucker in the eye with a wrist rocket. I was still a virgin when it happened. So over the next several months I lost my virginity by drilling a whole through cement blocks with my friend Last Anasazi.

Kloriel · 04.22.2009, 01:02 AM

who the fuck makes a thread like this. what the fuck

static-harmony · 04.22.2009, 01:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kloriel

who the fuck makes a thread like this. what the fuck

A drunk person.

Quote:

Originally Posted by amerikangod

I was going to post this in the 'So I'm about to loose my Sonic Youth live virginity...' thread, but I'd rather not hijack it and this may or may not develop into something worthwhile on its own.

Right now I'm drunk and listening to Acid Mothers Temple very loudly, as one is wont to do ('Atomic Rotary Grinding God/Quicksilver Machine Head,' baby) and this just came to mind.

When I first lost my virginity is kind of hazy... the chick I did it with and I had been fooling around a bit, and had various levels of sexual interaction. There were moments of 'oh hey I just slid my penis into you for a minute and very, very slowlly grinded' and all that jazz, but we're talking about the first time we genuinely GOT IT ON. Like, full-on plowed and there was at least one orgasm involved.

Ok, so the chick had issues with sex. She lost her virginity at 13 and had been with a few dudes before me, all of which apparently just 'used' her for sex. She was very unhappy with this, and only desired sex within a loving relationship. We had that, but she was still very wary.

In any case, it was my first time truly having sex. I got pretty excited by it, and I didn't know how to make it last just yet. As such, after about fifteen minutes something happened that made my penis say 'O SHI-' and, beyond the point of return, I reluctantly had an orgasm.

She was very unhappy with this, as I had an orgasm before her, and I guess it called up all of these memories and feelings of her being used for sex. She just turns her back to me and starts bawling. Now I'm laying there, feeling terrible. I try to hold her but she pulls away and starts crying harder. At this point I'm all 'But I really do love you. I didn't mean to cum yet, this is my first time' and I'm teary-eyed too. I've got tears welling up and I'm laying there naked, my now-flaccid penis still wrapped in the splooge-filled condom. I think this went on for like half an hour, and ended in us both just laying there in silence.

FUCKING SUCKED.

Sex has improved vastly over the many years since.

EVOLghost · 04.22.2009, 01:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by static-harmony

Oh man, sorry my first time was nothing like this. But then again I don't remember my first time.

then how do you know it wasn't worse?

terriblecanyons · 04.22.2009, 01:15 AM

This thread should just be renamed "Sonic Frustration: Post Your Embarassing and Unnecessary Porking Stories Here"

jon boy · 04.22.2009, 01:28 AM

this thread should be renamed why do i want to know this tell me god why?

Sonic Youth 37 · 04.22.2009, 01:31 AM

jon boy · 04.22.2009, 01:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amerikangod

For the purpose of secret boners.

its not a secret anymore.

jon boy · 04.22.2009, 01:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amerikangod

Oh, I meant everyone else's secret boners.

sure you did

static-harmony · 04.22.2009, 01:40 AM

Did this thread turn bad fast.

Sonic Youth 37 · 04.22.2009, 01:46 AM

SpectralJulianIsNotDead · 04.22.2009, 02:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amerikangod

The trick to getting with women is not desperately wanting to get with women. Catch-22, I guess. Actually, no, that was a bullshit answer. The trcik is to just come off as self-satisfied in a non-smug way. Confidence, and a lack of shame in all that you are. If a lady can feel like you're content with who you are in the world and that you're just traveling along without an agenda, she won't feel hunted and will be more prone to joining you in your travels. And sometimes those travels involve the two of you going to her bedroom. Sorry, this also kind of devolved into a bullshit answer. Whatevs, I'm drunk.

It's cool man. It doesn't frustrate me like it used to. I'm more interested in intimacy, something that my last girlfriend and I didn't have, and something that felt fake and forced about my girlfriend before that. So I'm glad that I didn't do either of them, or take advantage of the other girls who would have fucked me in the past (I'm excellent at playing dumb!)

I'm sure if I wanted to I could get laid quickly.

04.22.2009, 12:24 AM	#1
amerikangod invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 1,761	Null __________________
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04.22.2009, 12:29 AM	#2
Sonic Youth 37 invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: if there is a bright spot in the universe, the farthest point from it Posts: 9,443	__________________ "One: Where's the fife? and Two: Gimme the fife."
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

04.22.2009, 12:30 AM	#3
SpectralJulianIsNotDead invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 7,409	I still haven't got past third. I'm horrible with women. Well I've had a few girls that I could have been with, but luckily didn't get with.
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

04.22.2009, 12:34 AM	#4
Kegmama empty page Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: So. Cal Posts: 0	This is the best story I have read on here in a long time... The last pp is fucking excellent, no pun intended. Your flaccid penis may have made her sad, but it made me smile. Thank you. __________________ "Go forth.. GO FORTH & THRASH!"
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

04.22.2009, 12:34 AM	#5
Silent Dan Speaks the destroyed room Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 603	That's really, really awful. I'm pretty glad I don't have a story like that. On the bright side, you had nowhere to go but up.
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

04.22.2009, 12:44 AM	#6
static-harmony invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: outside L.A Posts: 5,156	Oh man, sorry my first time was nothing like this. But then again I don't remember my first time. __________________
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

04.22.2009, 12:45 AM	#7
Kegmama empty page Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: So. Cal Posts: 0	I lost my virginity when I was 15 to Kegpapa. We had only been together like 3 months. I thought I was going to wait until I was married for some horrific reason but then thought 'hes my thing, hes the one'. I ended up marrying him 6 years later anyway. F-ing insane. My mom had the keys for some old ladies house that had recently died and I stole them so we could party there one night. We ended up drinking a bit. Some friends passed out in various rooms listening to her old records and being creeped out by the fact that we were in a dead house. Kegpapa and I ended up going into the guest room and did the deed. It was pretty good considering we were both virgins. Hurt like hell at first though, but we even managed two positions the first time. And we had to steal a sheet from the dead lady since we weren't thinking about all the fluids associated with sex. Gross. __________________ "Go forth.. GO FORTH & THRASH!"
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

04.22.2009, 12:49 AM	#8
pbradley invito al cielo Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: SoKo Posts: 10,621	This would be perfect for an Japanese movie.
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

04.22.2009, 12:59 AM	#9
Kloriel expwy. to yr skull Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,554	I was arrested for shooting a mother fucker in the eye with a wrist rocket. I was still a virgin when it happened. So over the next several months I lost my virginity by drilling a whole through cement blocks with my friend Last Anasazi.
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

04.22.2009, 01:02 AM	#10
Kloriel expwy. to yr skull Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,554	who the fuck makes a thread like this. what the fuck
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

04.22.2009, 01:15 AM	#13
terriblecanyons invito al cielo Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: the land where large fuzzy dice still hang proudly like testicles from rear-view mirrors Posts: 5,949	This thread should just be renamed "Sonic Frustration: Post Your Embarassing and Unnecessary Porking Stories Here"
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

04.22.2009, 01:28 AM	#14
jon boy invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: psycho battery Posts: 12,161	this thread should be renamed why do i want to know this tell me god why? __________________ Sarcasm[A] is stating the opposite of an intended meaning especially in order to sneeringly, slyly, jest or mock a person, situation or thing \|@ <------- Euphoric brain cell just moments before expiration V _ \ / _ PING <-------- moments later / \ http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljhxq...isruo1_500.gif
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04.22.2009, 01:31 AM	#15
Sonic Youth 37 invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: if there is a bright spot in the universe, the farthest point from it Posts: 9,443	__________________ "One: Where's the fife? and Two: Gimme the fife."
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

04.22.2009, 01:40 AM	#18
static-harmony invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: outside L.A Posts: 5,156	Did this thread turn bad fast. __________________
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04.22.2009, 01:46 AM	#19
Sonic Youth 37 invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: if there is a bright spot in the universe, the farthest point from it Posts: 9,443	__________________ "One: Where's the fife? and Two: Gimme the fife."
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|