Pookie,

Aren't you a witty boy today?

Thanks for answering.

U No Who

Sorry, I don't answer rhetorical questions.

I was really good for the first half of the year, but my grades just went downhill for the other two thirds.

Pookie,
Should I try Indian food tonight?

-Hungry

As long as the Indian doesn't mind.

dear Poo-key,

ladies in an office next to mine spend the entire day laughing.

the walls are thin and I can't hear myself think over their raucous outbursts.

what I really want to know is....

WHAT'S SO GAWDDAMN FUNNY??

humourlessly puzzled,


The Marquee de Sad

They're just laughing at your spelling.

you're thinking of the Marquis de Sade (we're often confused). that cruel french bastard is too busy with torture to bother with spell check.

however, the missing plastic letters from my box (coupled with the constant laughter next door) are what make me a such gloomy venue sign....so maybe.

Pookie,

Name your five favourite choices of adult male facial hair, and briefly explain why you like them.

Yours truly,
Rob

Number 1 definitely has to be Friendly Mutton Chops. Why? Because it's a beard and it's friendly!
Number 2 would be French Fork. It looks like a deer's hoof. Say no more.
Number 3. Mmm it's getting tough. The traditionalist in me is going to go for the Short Boxed Beard. Would go nicely with a Marks & Spencer shirt and tie combo.
Number 4 is Chin Curtain, because the name reminds me of "pussy pelmet".
Number 5: Napoleon III Imperial. Because you could easily conceal a small dagger. Good to look at and practical.

Dear Pookie,

I am in a sorry state. My heart is well and truly broken in two, like a biscuit in the hands of some careless soap opera enthusiast. I won't divulge the full details, nor will I bore you with an extensive narrative, but here's the gist: I bumped into Zooey Deschanel in my local Borders bookshop. After a heated discussion over whether or not bare feet should be a social faux pas, we were married, right in the middle of the shop.

Well, I awoke in despair. My sheets were all tangled about and I could hear 'Neighbours' blaring in the living room next door. It was but a dream! Oh, such cruel tricks the mind plays on a boy's heart. It pains me to live in this reality, where I sleep alone without Zooey in my arms- without Zooey to bake me cookies when I'm cold- without Zooey to just be there.

What am I to do, Pookie? Should I fly to Pacific Palisades and seek out Zooey in person, declare my love, and propose marriage?

Yours truly,
Daniel 'Himself' Fitzgerald

P.S

This is the young lady in question;

Yes.

Pookieman

Do i set a time limit on the fulfilment of all destiny, or do i allow the cosmos to determine its own temporal order?

What a shite reply, I expected a lot more from you.

But at least now I have your blessings, and am currently messaging Zooey on myspace to arrange a meeting- that's when I will propose.

Dear Pookie,

I awoke with satan in my bed, should I charge him for the night? Or should I blackmail him?

Dear Pookie,

why are you so cynical

—Synonyms 1, 3. Cynical, pessimistic, sarcastic, satirical imply holding a low opinion of humanity. Cynical suggests a disbelief in the sincerity of human motives: cynical about honesty. Pessimistic implies a more or less habitual disposition to look on the dark side of things, and to believe that the worst will happen: pessimistic as to the future. Sarcastic refers to sneering or making cutting jibes: sarcastic about a profession of faith. Satirical suggests expressing scorn or ridicule by saying the opposite of what one means: a satirical attack on his political promises.

from time to time?

yours Allux Ferox.

*Insert answer involving a misreading of Satan as Santa*

Inside every cynic there is a disappointed idealist.

Dear Pookie,

Are psychiatrists a bunch of overpaid idiots, or do they help at all?

-Alex