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Old 07.07.2009, 02:15 AM   #17641
davenotdead
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why would you kill yrself?
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Old 07.07.2009, 02:21 AM   #17642
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Go back to page.. 905? 906? Somewhere around there.
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Old 07.07.2009, 02:31 AM   #17643
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Sorry, I think it was page 902. It doesn't really answer your question, though.

Let me put it like this: I have nothing to live for, as of right this second. I have been laying in my bed, not moving.. just thinking.. can't sleep... I ate my first meal in 8 days today. No lie. I haven't drank anything today though, so ... hmm. It's not an attention-grab. It's just a great depression. My girlfriend of 6 years is probably leaving me, to move away, whatever... and I can't go because she wants to be independant and find out things for herself and all that stuff... you know... but yeah, that's bad enough, but couple in some more personal issues regarding death in the family and sickness. I've been calling in to work... well, I went to work but was sent home for puking (I puked up milk, if you were wondering).. I'm thinking of quitting that place... I have $17,000 in the bank and am not happy in the least. I'm thinking of giving most of my money away, to people who need it... Or just moving to some shithole apartment and not working on anything except making depressing movies and music. Either way, I have no plans to leave my house or really do anything, actively, for a while... if certain things go down that are maybe going to go down. I'm being vague, but I feel odd writing this on such a public forum. I just feel, at this very moment, that I have absolutely nothing to be happy about, nothing to look forward to, and yeah. No one and nothing is going to change how I feel. I'll just have to get over it myself. My mom gave me some of her antidepressants and so today is the first day I haven't cried my eyes out because, even though they make me feel like shit, they somehow fuck with my tear ducts and make it impossible to cry.
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Old 07.07.2009, 02:40 AM   #17644
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that really sucks.

maybe you should try some soul-searching. or volunteer somewhere
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Old 07.07.2009, 02:53 AM   #17645
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i'll second the exotic locale.

volunteer with a good org. in costa rica or something. i helped at an orphanage and helped clear land in a jungle so they could build a hospital there.

it takes you out-of-yourself and shows you how other people live day-to-day, with what they have. i'd bet you could get a solid month or 2 on $4k living in hostels and doing volunteer work. the local people are pretty inspiring too
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Old 07.07.2009, 02:57 AM   #17646
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i appreciate the kind words.

i know i'll get over this soon enough. but right now I'm in a .... rut? heh. That's a polite way to put it.

I just lay in bed and go, "Man.. I just have nothing exciting going on."

I haven't listened to any music, watching any movies, read anything except old video game magazines... weird eh.
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Old 07.07.2009, 02:58 AM   #17647
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Old 07.07.2009, 02:59 AM   #17648
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new mount eerie just leaked. so there's that
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Old 07.07.2009, 03:04 AM   #17649
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this animal collective pic would get me out of a rut

 


SY should do this
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Old 07.07.2009, 03:08 AM   #17650
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Old 07.07.2009, 03:25 AM   #17651
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Quote:
Originally Posted by atsonicpark
Sorry, I think it was page 902. It doesn't really answer your question, though.

Let me put it like this: I have nothing to live for, as of right this second. I have been laying in my bed, not moving.. just thinking.. can't sleep... I ate my first meal in 8 days today. No lie. I haven't drank anything today though, so ... hmm. It's not an attention-grab. It's just a great depression. My girlfriend of 6 years is probably leaving me, to move away, whatever... and I can't go because she wants to be independant and find out things for herself and all that stuff... you know... but yeah, that's bad enough, but couple in some more personal issues regarding death in the family and sickness. I've been calling in to work... well, I went to work but was sent home for puking (I puked up milk, if you were wondering).. I'm thinking of quitting that place... I have $17,000 in the bank and am not happy in the least. I'm thinking of giving most of my money away, to people who need it... Or just moving to some shithole apartment and not working on anything except making depressing movies and music. Either way, I have no plans to leave my house or really do anything, actively, for a while... if certain things go down that are maybe going to go down. I'm being vague, but I feel odd writing this on such a public forum. I just feel, at this very moment, that I have absolutely nothing to be happy about, nothing to look forward to, and yeah. No one and nothing is going to change how I feel. I'll just have to get over it myself. My mom gave me some of her antidepressants and so today is the first day I haven't cried my eyes out because, even though they make me feel like shit, they somehow fuck with my tear ducts and make it impossible to cry.

Did you think of doing some travelling yourself? Seeing new places and meeting new people might help. I dunno.
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Old 07.07.2009, 09:53 AM   #17652
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boyfriend in jail....i am hysterical

this is all my fault
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Old 07.07.2009, 10:04 AM   #17653
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Old 07.07.2009, 10:09 AM   #17654
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theyre going to let him out obviously but it;s still my fuckign fault
i'm freaking out because he is going to be pissed
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Old 07.07.2009, 10:12 AM   #17655
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why is it your fault?
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Old 07.07.2009, 10:26 AM   #17656
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ok i'm not getting specific here because it;s my personal business and i dont want to be judged on it but i sent him out to do something i could have done easily mysefl and he ends up getting fucked over handling my business for me,
thats why its my fault and i feel so terrible about it but i have to go take care of this shit now
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Old 07.07.2009, 11:14 AM   #17657
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fuck, best of luck.

he will be PISSSED
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Old 07.07.2009, 11:16 AM   #17658
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@ satan: get home delivery imo.

----

@ atsonicperk:

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarramkrop
Did you think of doing some travelling yourself? Seeing new places and meeting new people might help. I dunno.

^^^ this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by swa(y)
my personal experience w/ antidepressants:

they either dont do anything for SEVERAL days, or make me feel like a complete zombie. i tend to stay away from them.

standard SSRIs (which most antidepressants these days are) require approximately a month to reach an effective blood level titre. anything sooner is a side/placebo effect.

DO NOT TAKE THE PILLS YR MOTHER GIVES YOU. you could be doing yrself more harm than good.
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Old 07.07.2009, 11:25 AM   #17659
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DISCLAIMER:
I'm about to write something stupid and possibly in bad taste, but this doesn't mean I don't think you have the reasons to feel sorry/worried/giulty, ok?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satan
ok i'm not getting specific here because it;s my personal business and i dont want to be judged on it but i sent him out to do something i could have done easily mysefl and he ends up getting fucked over handling my business for me,
thats why its my fault and i feel so terrible about it but i have to go take care of this shit now


Did you send him out to sell that kitten to a Chinese Restaurant?

/end of DISCLAIMER thing.

hope things will get better asap.
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Old 07.07.2009, 11:29 AM   #17660
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atsonic, don't be stupid and use your creative side to keep your brain/body busy instead of dwelling in sad/static mindstates.
I know it's easier to say it than do it, but please, try.
Spend some of those money for a nice trip as sarram and flotz say, or even on some "new" things you never tried, like, dunno, jumping off an airplane (WITH a parachute, eh!), archery (they say it's a relaxing and mind-adjusting activity), swim a bit...
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