[atsonicpark]

1) try soaking your head in a bucket of ammonia. in 5 minutes, if you are
still alive, repeat as necessary till dead...

2) cut your balls off (if you have them)

3) cut your head off with a razor blade and go into extreme ecstacy

4) drink a gallon of JD with a dab of Nitrogrycerin and jump up and down
vigirously

5) fart in a balloon and light a match

6) eat the stuff between your toes with a teaspoon of pepper and a drop of
vinegar

7) fart in front of the meanest, fattest, teacher while bending over to
pick up the pencil that you mistakenly (yeah, right!) dropped

8) eat shit and die.....

9) try inhaling a fart right out of your own asshole....

10) fuck Ronald Reagan-

11) or his wife.....

12) try to do the running long jump over the Hudson river

13) or maybe try skydiving underwater......

14) try to katch the first nuclear missle headed towards the U.S.A.

15) sit on a pitchfork

16) cement yourself into the Great Wall of China

17) attach yourself to the Good Year Blimp

18) buy a $400 piece of software and then find it up on the AE the next day

19) plug your ass with a cork and stand at the edge of a cliff and fart

20) slide down a banister with a long, fat spike at the end

21) slide down a razor blade

22) fuck a slut that has a pair of scisssors up her cunt

23) take a bath with 1 (or 2) fingers in an electrical socket

24) sit on an Exacto knife and spin!

25) cross a highway blindfolded

26) inspect the Space Shuttle's engines during takeoff

27) do whatever your parents say...

28) roll down the Empire State Building's stairway in a sleeping bag

29) sleep late on a Saturday....

30) not seeing that bullet heading straight between your eyes

31) "Hey look! What's that knife in my stomach?"

32) "No, no please don't! Please don't push me off this ----", smack!
splash! gargle... thump.

33) eat that cake that's been sitting in the fridge for 2 months

34) "Hey Jack, eat that colony of green stuff moving across your plate!"

35) Stick a straw in a septic tank and take a sip.

36) try skiing over a tree (or around it, or under it, or into it)

37) try katching a spiked boomerang...

38) try picking your brain via your nose...

39) squeeze yourself into a microwave (and don't forget to turn it on [duh!])

40) listen to E.F. Hutton

41) leap off a 20 story building onto a sharpened steel sewage grating

42) sleep at the bottom of an elevator shaft

43) stick your hand ,or foot if desired, in a food processor

44) get your ear caught in the spokes of your bike while riding down a hill

45) stick your hand in a paper shredder

46) have your car compacted at a junkyard, and give the guy a buck to let you
sleep in it

47) sit on a scorpion

48) get your head caught in a beehive

49) sleep in your washing machine (or dryer for extra fluffyness)

50) loose the only key to your father's brand new Rolls Royce

51) sleigh ride off your roof

52) straddle a 'No Parking' sign

53) drink a gallon of gasoline and have some tabasco sauce

54) fall asleep at the bottom of a garbage incinerator [you know, the shutes
you throw the garbage down if you live in a high rise]

55) skydive into an exploding volcano (if you live through this, contact me
on the Circus BBS 201-592-0456)

56) cement yourself into the middle of a highway

57) volunteer to be a subway brake

58) light a smoke bomb and swallow.!$%&*!^%*#&$*?%!@.?

59) drag yourself along the road, hanging on the back of a Mack truck

60) wait at the bottom of the Empire State Building while your friend drops a
spear off the top, straight through the center of your head (and the rest of
you)

61) glue yourself to the way bottom of an ocean liner [while it's going]...

62) lounge in a pool obNasoline and light that big fat cigar in your mouth

63) climb up the telefone pole and lick the electric wires

64) look in the mirror [ha ha! just kiddin'!]

65) go to Russia

66) slingshot yourself into the Sun [not quite..]

67) put some iodine crystals in a whoopy cushion - sit on it!

68) volunteer to be a nuclear warhead

69) <- eat your girlfriend out when she uses a sulfuric acid douche

70) eat a piece of Uranium

71) lick a scientist's chemical lab table before he cleans up!

72) get your nose caught in an exhaust pipe while the car is running

73) go swimming while wearing Mr.T's heavy jewelery around thy neck

74) run a razor blade down the middle of your face!

75) take a chainsaw, cut your head into thirds

76) get caught on the nose of the Concorde

77) in your science class, turn on all the gas outlets, light a match

78) get drunk and be processed through a doughnut molding factory

79) volunteer to rent out your head as a soccer ball

80) eat your school cafeteria's poison of the day

81) slurp nuclear waste

82) stab yourself in 100 (and 1) places

83) try to swallow a (King) Cobra

84) get your arm caught in the wheel of a train

85) your running 40 m.p.h. - your foot katches onto a bloody sewage grating

- you trip and fall - 40 m.p.h. - on your face!

86) bend both your knees and elbows - backwards! [snap!]

87) ski off a cliff

88) shuv a pipebomb up your ass

89) fart and smell up a crowded elevator [watch the reaction!] - announce
that you let it go - kiss your ass goodbye!

90) cut your circulation off with a giant Band-Aid (tm)

91) mail yourself to the smallest P.O. box in the country

92) pick a fight with Sylvester Stallone

93) try to catch a Roadrunner

94) beat the shit out of yourself [take a spaz!]

95) you take a final relaxing dip in a pool of gasoline - you hang yourself
from a branch of a tree - light the bonfire under you!

96) tie each of your ankles to the bumper of 2 cars and let them back out
in different directions - Slowly!

97) go to your local deli and by mistake put your best hand on the meat
slicer, and of course turn it on - press down firmly as the slices of your hand
fall neatly into the palm of the other hand

98) try writing this G-Phile

99) put it this way - commit suicide!

100) Do all of the above [in order!]

[atsonicpark]

Here are some other fun ways to die:


Hanging Yourself From A Sidewalk Curb!

Decapitation By Way Of HBO!

Water-And-Cayenne-Pepper Concoction Overdose!

Eardrum Explosion Via Upped Bass On Godsmack Song!

Spontaneous Combustion During A Graduation Speech!

Eaten By A Venetian Blind!

Dissection By Ian McKellen's Cold, Steel-Blue Eyes!

Eye Strain! And A Lot Of It!

Two Words: Intramural Whaling!

Pushing Your Roommate To The Brink Of Insanity Then Screwing His Brother With The Koran!

Forgetting The Function Of The Conjunction!

Traveling A Thousand Miles To Destroy An Evil Ring By Throwing It In The Volcano Of Mount Doom Like Tom Hanks In "Joe VS. The Volcano" But Instead Of It Throwing You Out Unrealistically Like The Movie The Lava Instantly Eats Through Your Searing Skin And Corrodes Your Bones As Your Last Thought Of Realized Foolishness Is Burned Away Like So Many Botched Microwave Popcorn Attempts!

Stabbing Yourself With A Ked!

Dressing Up Like The Joker And Challenging Everyone In Spanish Harlem To A Dick-Size Contest!

Tripping Onto Howard Stern's Nose!

Starve In Front Of The Hostess Foods Inc. Headquarters!

Three Words: Really Old Age!

Finger Infections On A Universal Scale!

Dying Twice (If You Can Manage It Somehow)!

Vicadin Mixed With Flamethrower!

Nine Words: Rickets Rickets Rickets Rickets Rickets Rickets Rickets Rickets Rickets!

Carpel Tunnel Of The Cerebral Lobe!

Swallowing Niagra Falls!

Electrocution By Way Of Swallowing Niagra Falls And A Plugged-In Toaster!

Carbonating Your Own Blood At A PepsiCo Tour!

Tiki Torch Deathmatch Against Your Boss And His Favorite Middle-Aged Celebrity!

9,000 Orgasms!

Dying Three Times (If You Can Manage Two Times, This Should Be A Piece Of Cake)!

[atsonicpark]

Eating styrofoam [expands and bursts your stomach.]

Drinking bleach [corrodes your insides, burns your organs to pieces.]

Jumping in front of a fast moving object [trains are good for this.]

Blocking all the ventiliation and turning your carbon monoxide oven onto full [absorbs oxygen and slowly drowns you]

Taking barbituates after placing a plastic bag around your head [sends you to sleep and the bag then causes you to asphyxiate]

Drinking so heavily you pass out, spew in your sleep and choke on it [a la Hendrix]

Have someone wrench your heart directly from your chest with a crowbar.

[atsonicpark]

Jesus Christ died for our sins,
And if you don`t sin,
Then he died for nothing.
Do it for Jesus

[atsonicpark]

Try leaving Iraq towards kuwait during the gulf scramble that was issued.

Dress up as an elephant in noel edmonds back yard

Ask Ian Huntley to give you a bath.

[atsonicpark]

I think the best way to kill yourself, was done by someone who I knew.

He hung himself outside his house which was right next to the main street the night before halloween. He hung there for 4 days before people wondered why the halloween decoration was still there and checked it out.

Nearly everyone in the town had seen it and had remarked on how awesomely real it looked.

[atsonicpark]

Whoever appeals to the law against his fellow man is either a fool or a coward.

Whoever cannot take care of themself without that law is both.

For a wounded man shall say to his assailant, "If I Live, I will kill you, If I Die, You are forgiven."

Such is the Rule of Honor.

[atsonicpark]

I ate all the pills in my medicine cabinet and a bottle of whiskey and all i got was the stupid effin nurses telling me why i had so much to live for...i was pissed i will have to try another one on that list up there. oh and wrist cutting doesn't work either i cut pretty deep then passed out.

[atsonicpark]

10) Bungee jumping tied to a concrete block.
9) Soak your clothes in gasoline and then walk through the company's Smoking Area.
8) Try to jump across the Grand Canyon on a motorized scooter.
7) Move during the Knife Throwing portion of the Magician's act.
6) Jumping into a vat of beer at the Anheuser-Busch brewery.
5) Rollerblading onto a Nascar Race Track during a race.
4) Rolling in an office chair down a hill into oncoming traffic.
3) Sliding naked on a SlipNSlide that has glass all the way down it.
2) Wearing a "KLAN RULES" T-Shirt into South Central Los Angeles (Wait...that belongs on the How to Get Yourself Killed List).
1) Listen to MMMBOP on your stereo headphones until your ears bleed!

[atsonicpark]

1. Gas yourself to death with Mother’s hairspray. If she tries to stop you halfway through, spray it directly into her face and continue on as normal.
2. Go outside and find a large rock. Now run a hot bath. Bring the rock with you into the bath and use it as a sponge. Don’t stop until all of your skin’s been eroded (you’ll lose consciousness a long time before this point).
3. Turn up at a Nazi meeting, dressed as your grandmother, draped in an Israeli flag. Make a pass at the first skinhead you see. If he doesn’t acknowledge you, dance over to his genitals and kiss him on the balls.
4. Go on a hunger strike and lock yourself in the cupboard. If anyone tries to rescue you, threaten to ring the police.
5. Visit your local zoo, strip naked, scale the fencing to the tiger enclosure and go for a piggy back on the alpha male.
6. Go and see Coldplay play. Your heart is bound to stop from abject misery 20 minutes into the set. Even before they get to ‘Yellow’.
7. Lie on the freeway with a massive notice by you with the message ‘The first person to run me over, wins $20,000″. Be sure to write down your parent’s phone number down, clearly in big characters.
8. Arrange a meetup with ANYONE from Dark Starlings. The member-base is solely comprised of serial killers and cock-doctors.
9. Run into your nearest military base draped in the Iraq flag. If this doesn’t get you shot, ask for the sergeant and call him an unpatriotic, commie, horse lover.
   
    
   
10. Fly to Tennessee with your girlfriend/boyfriend, enter a bar and announce that your lover isn’t a relative.
11. Buy a bottle of vodka, pour all it into a tall container, break the bottle over your own head and pour all of the broken glass and blood into the vodka. Drink and bleed until the lights go out.
12. Eat at McDonalds for a year, crap into a black bag and at the end of it all, ingest the contents of the bag. If your body hasn’t already went into toxic shock after 6 months of the diet, you are Satan and therefore invincible. I recommend placing the bag over your head, travelling down to Houston, Texas, once there announcing you’re the Second Coming of Jesus Christ.
13. Arrange for Michael Moore to squat and fart on your face.
14. Join the US military before the troops withdraw from Iraq. You’ve got to be quick as this is imminent! Once you make it out to Iraq, dress up as the Statue of Liberty and stand as still as possible just like one of those street performers. Ask one of your colleagues to write “If Allah was real, you’d shoot me in the balls!” in capital letters (preferably in Iraqi).
15. Clean your asshole with a hedgehog twice a day for a year. Beware, this is a slowwww, painful way to die.
16. Go to your local water supply dressed as Osama Bin Laden, ring 911 and tell the authorities that you’re about to take a crap in the water supply. Wait until the swat team arrive and lunge wildly at the tallest one there.
17. Lock a boa constrictor in your neighbours mail box, sneak out at night and taunt the snake by waving your ass in at it.
18. Drive to a forest outside Mountain Hat in Canada dressed solely in a jacket made of ham. Do not move until the bears arrive.
19. Buy 500 rolls of black lipstick and eat them all over an hour long period. Refrain from vomiting or calling the emergency services and you should die within the next 96 hours.
20. Masturbate to this picture of Condoleezza Rice for 24 hours straight without cumming. After the 24th hour your heart will explode out of principle.
    
     
    
21. Change your name officially to Jesus Christ, move to Houston, Texas and wear a pink toga with the words “I’m A Queer, Darling!” scrawled on it in black ink. Dance into the nearest Baptist Church and scream “The Rapture Cometh” before masturbating furiously in front of the minister. God will strike you down before your balls explode. Either that or one of the old ladies at the front will gouge your eyes out with a pen.
22. Put your head in a microwave and get a friend to repeatedly slam your head shut in the oven with the door. Inform them that they must not stop no matter how much you scream.
23. Eat “Kraft Dinner” for every single meal for the next decade. By 25, your arteries will be that saturated with fat that your heart will explode.

[atsonicpark]

If you are seeking easy ways to kill yourself, do not do it. The pain you are feeling is understandable but changing. We all get to a point, if we are honest, where we feel that maybe we cannot go on any more. The pressures and disappointments of this life can leave you empty.
When you are emptied of everything that you have to give this is the point where you may want to stop living. Things may not have worked out the way you thought they would, everything has gone wrong. You do not like yourself very much; this is the point where living does not make much sense to you. You may be feeling why should you go on. The answer is that when you are emptied you see the world through a lie. It seems that nothing could change the situation that you are in but that is a lie. Life changes every second nothing stays the same, your body is changing right now but you do not even realize it. Each second is a new revelation. If you are seeking easy ways to kill yourself you believed the lie that things do not change. Everything changes nothing in the universe does not have a movement in it. Amazingly even your bad situation is changing right now it is just that you cannot see it.
It may seem hopeless but this is also a lie, there is always hope if you give it a little time.
You have been emptied by these world disappointments but you can be filled again. The lie is a bad life or situation will not and cannot get better. You need to fill back and be healed. Medication can help but do not stop there you can go further and heal. If you need to do take medication or call a suicide hotline if this is an emergency. There is also good news if you are seeking suicide help. There is an answer to this problem that goes beyond the traditional methods of medication and therapy that has been helping those who need suicide help. It is a deeper root revelation that has been helping and curing the suicidal. You will learn why you are suicidal. It is basically deep rooted revealing that opens you to the real reason why you have suicide thoughts. If you are seeking easy ways to kill yourself you must get help fast. Do not play with this feeling, there is a new way that is scientifically proven to stop the bad thoughts.

[atsonicpark]

What are quick painless ways to kill yourself?

i have to do research on it for an essay. list serious ways though because my teacher said that he'll take points off for jokes.
thanks.

• 6 months ago

Additional Details

"hmm i dont think this is for a essay i dont think anyone should anwser somehow i would feel bad if u killed urself over advice i gave"
it wouldn't matter either way. IF it wasn't for an essay i'd do it anyway even if no one gave advice, but thats only IF it wasn't for an essay..

[atsonicpark]

As a Ordained Minister i am here to let you know about A True Painless Method of Suicide (Easiest and Simplest Painless Suicide Method)-最簡單﹐最容易﹐無痛的自殺方法

How to Commit Suicide (A Painless Suicide)

Are you looking for a painless method to end your life; a quick way to commit suicide; and/or a clean way to die? If so, you have come to the right place!

1) Methods like slitting wrists, cutting throat, poisons, suffocation, jumping off a cliff or tall building are not painless methods of suicide. Not even inhaling carbon monoxide. Why?

Because the real pain comes after death, being burnt eternally in hell. The Bible teaches that all nonbelievers are destined for hell. Most people misunderstood that once a person dies, that's the end of life. This is not true. All non-believers will be resurrected in the last days (Dan 12:2, Acts 24:15, John 5:28, 29) and punished by burning in hell eternally (Matthew 25:46). A true believer does not commit suicide for humans were made in God's image, thus God disapproves suicide

2) True Painless Death- Would it be nice to put your life behind you, and start all over again? Would it be nice to start with a clean slate?

When we put our faith in God, and accept Christ as our savior (Acts 4:12), we become a new person ( 2 Corin 5:17, Roman 6:4-5). All your sins and transgressions are forgiven. For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son (to die for our sins), that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life (John 3:16).

3) How to Be Born Again and be a New Person-

The Bible teaches that 'if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from death, you will be saved (Romans 10:9) that whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame (Romans 10:11).

To a non-Christian, it may seem that Christianity is condemning him or her, by saying that the only way to be saved is to embrace Jesus Christ (Acts 4:12). However, before you come to this conclusion, please realize what Christ had done for you. He died for your sins as well as mine through a torturous death so that we can be saved. Christianity is not a religion, but a relationship with God. The following are a few facts about Christianity
1) It is the only 'religion' that God comes to you (Christ came and died for our sins), instead you trying to reach God by being good enough
2) It is the only 'religion' that you are accepted not because of how good you are, but what Christ had done on the cross. All you have to do is to repent from your sins and accept Him
3) It is the only fair 'religion' that both the love and judgment of God are served, with Christ dying for our sins! (sins have to be punished - Judgment, but the punishment was bore by Christ instead of us - Love)

If you have decided to accept Christ, would you let us know so that we can pray for you?



Important: People who are suicidal may have serious depression and / or chemical imbalance that need immediate professional attention. Please contact your physician as well as other professionals listed below immediately.
American Academy of Pediatrics
141 Northwest Point Boulevard
P.O. Box 927
Elk Grove Village, Illinois 60007


American Association of Suicidology
2459 South Ash Street
Denver, Colorado 80222


National Committee of Youth Suicide Prevention
666 Fifth Avenue, 13th Floor
New York, New York 10103
(212) 957-9292


National Depressive and Manic Depressive Association
P.O. Box 753
Northbrook, Illinois 60062


National Suicide Hotline
1-800-SUICIDE
1-800-784-2433
Source(s):

Jesus Christ

[atsonicpark]

Pills aren't painless no matter what anyone says.
I took 96 aspirin and the doctor told me that it would have taken two more days of excruciating pain to actually rid myself than the three hours I sat through.
Afterwards they pumped my stomach and I could only drink LiquidCharcoal.
Drinking the LiquidCharcoa was the worst part.


Hanging yourself isn't as painless as you think it would be.
You'd have to hang a loose noose around your neck and jump from a very high distance to break your neck.
And even then there is no garuntee that it will kill you immediately.
Just kicking over the stool leaves you to suffocate and creates a nasty scratch if someone cuts you down in time, and trust me there will be time.

Slitting your wrists hurts more than I can describe.
And if you don't remember down the street not across the road, well you're just going to be in a lot of pain.
And your blood flow may not be fast enough for it to even kill you in a hour.

Overdosing feels like the best and worst high of your life.
Depends on how close you are to dying as to when the best starts.
Or if it even does start at all.

Fire, just ouch.

I can't think of a painless way. Sorry.

[atsonicpark]

– Suicide isn’t the goal society or your parents had hoped for you, but you’ve set the bar because you can think independently and have enough self-confidence to believe in your decision. My opinion though, is that suicide isn’t the best way to die. My preferred method of execution is either old age, or being taxed to death, generously and patriotically supporting the needs of your community and your country. Because you have little time remaining, allow me to give you a friendly tip to save you some of that precious time. Suicide is severely similar to murder. If this how-to document doesn’t give you the answers you’re seeking, don’t spend your time Googling “painless ways to commit murder.” Murderers are an ill-bred lot who are unlikely to be concerned about the amount of pain they inflict on their victims. Generally speaking, they lack the typing skills necessary to create web pages due to their possession of itchy trigger-fingers, hands cramping from clutching knives too tightly, or suffering of pulled muscles caused by throwing murder weapons into rivers.
A good method of implementing your imminent demise is to make yourself a target of assassination. Choosing this technique, you’ll avoid the nuisance involved with having to obtain any tools which would otherwise be required. In addition to that benefit, opting to permit capable, professional assassins to plan the details and logistics in matters regarding the imposition of death is often a wise decision.
Begin investigating high-profile politicians. Conduct your research through legal channels, please (I can’t be held responsible for what you do or what I write). You’ll need to look for something hidden, some skeleton not yet released for public viewing, something for which they haven’t yet been caught or apologized. Common things for which to look: sex-related or money-related activities, illegal drugs or illegally-obtained pharmaceuticals, something to do with toilets and honey, or how well their pastor conducts religious services.
If viable blackmail material can’t be discovered, consider bluffing. Call your Congressperson; inform him or her that you’re a registered voter, and that you’ve recently acquired evidence of who conspired in the assassination plot of John Fitzgerald Kennedy. Within sixty seconds your doorbell will ring.
From that moment, you’ll have approximately three seconds to decide whether to proceed with your plan or jump through the nearest window. If you live on or above the second floor, emergency egress through your window is not the best choice in your current medical condition, however, it will provide a better chance of surviving than answering the door carrying a friendly and hospitable demeanor. To elaborate – your surprise guests haven’t come from the high school loaded with candy bars to sell.
There really are no truly painless ways to commit suicide. After you kill yourself, people who knew and loved you will live on in pain. One may argue that because they’d be experiencing emotional pain, suicide would be physically painless, however, I believe that to be a weak argument. If, on the other hand, you feel everyone hates you, I hope you found this handy survival guide informative, and that it helps you kill yourself in a pleasant and joyful manner. Don’t forget to hit the light switch, power down your computer, and visit your friends, family, bank, employer, doctor, and your local law enforcement agency to say goodbye.

[atsonicpark]

IS IT distressing to experience consciousness slipping away or something people can accept with equanimity? Are there any surprises in store as our existence draws to a close? These are questions that have plagued philosophers and scientists for centuries, and chances are you've pondered them too occasionally. None of us can know the answers for sure until our own time comes, but the few individuals who have their brush with death interrupted by a last-minute reprieve can offer some intriguing insights. Advances in medical science, too, have led to a better understanding of what goes on as the body gives up the ghost.
Death comes in many guises, but one way or another it is usually a lack of oxygen to the brain that delivers the coup de grâce. Whether as a result of a heart attack, drowning or suffocation, for example, people ultimately die because their neurons are deprived of oxygen, leading to cessation of electrical activity in the brain - the modern definition of biological death.
If the flow of freshly oxygenated blood to the brain is stopped, through whatever mechanism, people tend to have about 10 seconds before losing consciousness. They may take many more minutes to die, though, with the exact mode of death affecting the subtleties of the final experience. If you can take the grisly details, read on for a brief guide to the many and varied ways death can suddenly strike.

[atsonicpark]

Hahahahaha.

Okay, that's enough of that!

[atsonicpark]

some cool things I found out today:

EGM is back!

Polysics new album in September!

[atsonicpark]

so the last time i was on here, i saw a post that i could have been from him..to me.. so i asked him if he had been on lately and he said no. and hes like why? and i told him cuz i saw a post i was hoping was from him. and he made me read it to him. so i did. and he was like yeah, that wasnt me. and i go yeah, prolly something you wouldnt say huh? and he goes yeah, thats why i dont go on anymore.. i get let down too much too. i was like, ouch.
so i havnt been on since then.
and now im on here, and it made me think of that
and well, now im sad. =/
bye group hug. im leaving this site again for a while.

[atsonicpark]

I’ve been carrying this baggage all day. There are things we should talk about, like how you still don’t respect my request that you not bring up your exes while we’re naked. You’re such a great boyfriend, except for this one thing. I don’t want to seem jealous or insecure, but it eats away at me.