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Old 02.06.2015, 05:49 PM   #38401
schizophrenicroom
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no no, ive read through. i get what you mean... restaurant thing rings very true, got a real life example i could break down here but i think i'm gonna go get a bottle of wine and see what some friends are up to.
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fuck i'm frustrated, freaking out something fierce, would you help me? i'm hungry and i stuffer and i startle, i struggle and i stammer til i'm up to my ears in miserable quote unquote "art"
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Old 02.06.2015, 05:52 PM   #38402
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Quote:
Originally Posted by schizophrenicroom
no no, ive read through. i get what you mean... restaurant thing rings very true, got a real life example i could break down here but i think i'm gonna go get a bottle of wine and see what some friends are up to.

ha ha-- okay! have a fun weekend
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Old 02.06.2015, 05:52 PM   #38403
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bah, i'll probably be back here in half an hour or so. i wish i had my own laptop; posting from mobile is a bitch.
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fuck i'm frustrated, freaking out something fierce, would you help me? i'm hungry and i stuffer and i startle, i struggle and i stammer til i'm up to my ears in miserable quote unquote "art"
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Old 02.06.2015, 05:56 PM   #38404
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i have very fat thumbs and posting from a phone is the horror.

i'll probably disappear soon anyway--the accomplice is on her way right now.

but keep me posted eh?
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Old 02.06.2015, 05:56 PM   #38405
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aye aye
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fuck i'm frustrated, freaking out something fierce, would you help me? i'm hungry and i stuffer and i startle, i struggle and i stammer til i'm up to my ears in miserable quote unquote "art"
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Old 02.06.2015, 06:15 PM   #38406
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Quote:
Originally Posted by schizophrenicroom
this town kinda sucks
fast too.. get away.. far! I don't care where just far..
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Old 02.06.2015, 08:56 PM   #38407
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Originally Posted by !@#$%!
ha ha okay no, i was going to always leave you the chance to delete instead of quoting you for posterity.

but let me just say-- your "who am i to criticize?" -- good attitude.


thanks!


Quote:
Originally Posted by SuchFriendsAreDangerous
Personally im very spiritual about sex so i can't have sex with fantasies or mythical sex goddesses.. if i don't have a substantive connection with a woman as a person and if our intimacy is not deeper than biology im just into it. Getting to know a woman through our bodies is what turns me on, just empty fucking does get me off..


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksn0Wjw-EiY

Quote:
Originally Posted by SuchFriendsAreDangerous
but actually schizo and i were having a great conversation about HER experiences and feelings before i decided to share my own.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBdK7PZSCxw]
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Old 02.06.2015, 09:23 PM   #38408
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i fucking lost my ebt card! fuck man
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fuck i'm frustrated, freaking out something fierce, would you help me? i'm hungry and i stuffer and i startle, i struggle and i stammer til i'm up to my ears in miserable quote unquote "art"
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Old 02.06.2015, 10:44 PM   #38409
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so, i took some mushrooms/spinach and I threw it into some fusili with Alfredo sauce and turkey meatballs and had a decent dinner. not the Thai peanut noodles level of goodness i can make but bleh. trader joes' 3.99 white wine is pretty good.
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fuck i'm frustrated, freaking out something fierce, would you help me? i'm hungry and i stuffer and i startle, i struggle and i stammer til i'm up to my ears in miserable quote unquote "art"
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Old 02.06.2015, 10:53 PM   #38410
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sorry to interrupt but i need to tell someone.
i am in excruciating psychological pain
i dont want to talk about why i have this problem but i know if i could afford to self medicate with beer i'd be okay
im going to ask for a gallon of wine from my brother's vineyard tomorrow and tell him its an emergency.
medications have been useless,
these episodes are becoming less frequent i am actually doing a lot better but 'plateauing' medications dont work on this level of distress.

im going to ask to be prescribed zyprexa on monday. ive tried it before and it will make you fall asleep for 12 hours if you take enough and its nonaddictive
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Old 02.06.2015, 11:14 PM   #38411
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zyprexa made my depression worse, and caused weight gain whicj only made things worse on top. it's cool not wanting to talk about it but i offer an ear and hope you can find something that works. alcohol is fantastic but does not cure all.
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fuck i'm frustrated, freaking out something fierce, would you help me? i'm hungry and i stuffer and i startle, i struggle and i stammer til i'm up to my ears in miserable quote unquote "art"
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Old 02.06.2015, 11:24 PM   #38412
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i dont want to talk about my problems anymore. it no longer helps. im getting older, i have to be more stoic with pain to survive
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Old 02.06.2015, 11:27 PM   #38413
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i getcha.
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fuck i'm frustrated, freaking out something fierce, would you help me? i'm hungry and i stuffer and i startle, i struggle and i stammer til i'm up to my ears in miserable quote unquote "art"
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Old 02.07.2015, 03:41 AM   #38414
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PLips
i dont want to talk about my problems anymore. it no longer helps. im getting older, i have to be more stoic with pain to survive
Talking is good too.. find the balance. We all go through it. We all care for you here.. PM when necessary
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Old 02.07.2015, 05:20 AM   #38415
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Thanks, thats really nice of youz.

because i have a public life on the internet and confessed some really humiliating stuff in public, i never know when people on the street are talking amongst themselves or talking about me. its not just schizophrenia, its extreme paranoia and i did it to myself. its a lack of personal privacy in the age of cyberstalking and surveillance, and i am not a rich celebrity who can retreat to a mansion or an island when its getting to me.

ive never listened to an ipod but i do have an mini audioplayer. maybe it would be as simple as drowning out other peoples conversations when sitting in a cafe or bar.

my social worker said a lot of people try mind reading in public places not only people with mental illness. when my life was more exciting, i could daydream when i was alone in public and no one elses thoughts went in my head. i am alone most of the day most days and i try mind reading out of extreme boredom. it sucks.

yesterday would have been a fine day if i could control my negative thinking but i also didnt eat anything until 10pm and drank tons of coffee so i was extra agitated. i can buy nonalcoholic beer with my grocery card to avoid drinking coffee but its still not as cheap. i have to ration it.
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Old 02.07.2015, 05:59 AM   #38416
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Quote:
Originally Posted by schizophrenicroom
i like your sentence structure. this reads like a freeform poem. i hope the docs gave you something good for the tooth.

thank you, dear.
i try to stay away from pills and pills like drugs, because i know if i ll start, there wont be a stop.
during this hardcore period of..its now 4 months and going, i have taken 4-5 zanax and i dont want it to become a habit.
which is irrelevant to a good drug for tooth pain, so yeah especially today wouldnt mind one or 2 or 3.
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Old 02.07.2015, 06:09 AM   #38417
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PLips
i dont want to talk about my problems anymore. it no longer helps. im getting older, i have to be more stoic with pain to survive


i dont know what your exact situation is,
but have done the non-talking to anyone in one of the hardest times of my life and frankly..it messed my head but moreover it made me waste time on decisions i eventually took.
and i really relate to this post of yours and then i feel as i m getting older i have less tolerance in pain especially caused by health troubles of people i love.
and then it all comes to this

and in relation to what you say about internet/privacy,

that one or other way, i (you or whoever) better take some things out, or they ll eat you and top over the real* troubles.

i still use this place to rant, even though it doesnt have the privacy it used to, there is still discretion. if that helps a bit about feeling safe at least here.

all troubles are real.
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Old 02.07.2015, 07:06 AM   #38418
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PLips
Thanks, thats really nice of youz.

because i have a public life on the internet and confessed some really humiliating stuff in public, i never know when people on the street are talking amongst themselves or talking about me. its not just schizophrenia, its extreme paranoia and i did it to myself. its a lack of personal privacy in the age of cyberstalking and surveillance, and i am not a rich celebrity who can retreat to a mansion or an island when its getting to me.

ive never listened to an ipod but i do have an mini audioplayer. maybe it would be as simple as drowning out other peoples conversations when sitting in a cafe or bar.

my social worker said a lot of people try mind reading in public places not only people with mental illness. when my life was more exciting, i could daydream when i was alone in public and no one elses thoughts went in my head. i am alone most of the day most days and i try mind reading out of extreme boredom. it sucks.



How to Disappear
1. Sit alone in a public space like a cafť, garden or public square.
2. Try to shift your focus from the thoughts spinning in your mind to the sounds of the space surrounding you.
3. Consider the sounds that reach your ear, sound by sound, without granting any one sound greater significance than any other.
4. Contemplate the folds and creases of the sounds you now hear. When you hear the voice of a passerby, contemplate its tone and this toneís depth, not only the meaning of its words. When an annoying car drives past, contemplate the harsh sound of itís motor and the sonic spectrum of its reverberations. When you hear a distant radio, donít focus merely on the singerís voice or the songís name, but rather contemplate the clarity of its frequency and listen to its static.
5. Prevent these sounds from forming a hierarchy; prevent them from occupying the foreground or retreating to the background. Always remember that you must place all sounds at the same distance from you.
6. You will find that your greatest difficulty is concentrating on the sounds themselves, for the thoughts, impressions, and memories that these sounds conjure up will persistently take over part of your concentration, pushing the real-time sounds to the background. Make sustained efforts to return to the sounds arising in your present moment, for your mission is only to listen to them, not to think about their meanings.
7. As time passes and you steep yourself in what you hear, you will discover an increasing number of sonic details around you. Each of these details will lead you to another; each sound will lead you to a neighboring one. At this point you will find that your inner voice gradually diminishes at the same rate by which you immerse yourself in your sonic environment.
8. When you ultimately succeed in listening to the place in its entirety, you will find that the distance between yourself and the spaceís sounds has diminished, and that you have become part of the place. You will find that no one around you notices your presence; everyone will pass by without seeing you.
Haytam El-Wardany
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Old 02.07.2015, 07:39 AM   #38419
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Quote:
Originally Posted by A Thousand Threads
How to Disappear
1. Sit alone in a public space like a cafť, garden or public square.
2. Try to shift your focus from the thoughts spinning in your mind to the sounds of the space surrounding you.
3. Consider the sounds that reach your ear, sound by sound, without granting any one sound greater significance than any other.
4. Contemplate the folds and creases of the sounds you now hear. When you hear the voice of a passerby, contemplate its tone and this toneís depth, not only the meaning of its words. When an annoying car drives past, contemplate the harsh sound of itís motor and the sonic spectrum of its reverberations. When you hear a distant radio, donít focus merely on the singerís voice or the songís name, but rather contemplate the clarity of its frequency and listen to its static.
5. Prevent these sounds from forming a hierarchy; prevent them from occupying the foreground or retreating to the background. Always remember that you must place all sounds at the same distance from you.
6. You will find that your greatest difficulty is concentrating on the sounds themselves, for the thoughts, impressions, and memories that these sounds conjure up will persistently take over part of your concentration, pushing the real-time sounds to the background. Make sustained efforts to return to the sounds arising in your present moment, for your mission is only to listen to them, not to think about their meanings.
7. As time passes and you steep yourself in what you hear, you will discover an increasing number of sonic details around you. Each of these details will lead you to another; each sound will lead you to a neighboring one. At this point you will find that your inner voice gradually diminishes at the same rate by which you immerse yourself in your sonic environment.
8. When you ultimately succeed in listening to the place in its entirety, you will find that the distance between yourself and the spaceís sounds has diminished, and that you have become part of the place. You will find that no one around you notices your presence; everyone will pass by without seeing you.
Haytam El-Wardany

Thanks, i am going to practice this over and over again. i remember this was posted before. im going to need some booze today though.
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Old 02.07.2015, 07:46 AM   #38420
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PLips
Thanks, i am going to practice this over and over again. i remember this was posted before. im going to need some booze today though.


just don't overdo it with the booze.

I promised some friends to join them tonight for Lee Scratch Perry show. Dub Night.
suggestions on how to survive this?
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