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Old 10.25.2012, 08:53 PM   #34441
floatingslowly
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floatingslowly kicks all y'all's assesfloatingslowly kicks all y'all's assesfloatingslowly kicks all y'all's assesfloatingslowly kicks all y'all's assesfloatingslowly kicks all y'all's assesfloatingslowly kicks all y'all's assesfloatingslowly kicks all y'all's assesfloatingslowly kicks all y'all's assesfloatingslowly kicks all y'all's assesfloatingslowly kicks all y'all's assesfloatingslowly kicks all y'all's asses
meanwhile, at Savage Clone's house....
 
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Old 10.25.2012, 09:15 PM   #34442
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Put on some socks, sheila.
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Old 10.25.2012, 09:27 PM   #34443
floatingslowly
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I should have never bothered with instagram.

My stomach is churning.
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Old 10.25.2012, 09:31 PM   #34444
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Quote:
Originally Posted by halfeatencake
can't sleep with socks on

also, maybe i should pee in my bed to make it warm.. at least for a bit.
I can't either. I try, but always kick them off. Electric blankets freak me the fuck out though. I'm certain that I will either catch fire or suffer electrocution.

Despite her frigid toes, I was able to convince the wife that the wiring-induced electromagnetic-radiation was unsuitable for long-term exposure.

It'll scramble yr circuits.
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Old 10.25.2012, 09:34 PM   #34445
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If you don't go back to Melbs next year, I'll be quite angry.

I'm looking forward to it. We'll make a ruckuss (but not so much as to be deported).
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Old 10.25.2012, 09:50 PM   #34446
Bytor Peltor
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Quote:
Originally Posted by floatingslowly
Wishing you and yours the best, friend. I'm quite sure that I gained immunity years ago, but this season made me fear for my pregnant wife.

My personal opinion has long been that Huda Salih Mahdi Ammash is to blame. Wiki her if you don't know the name. She was the 5 of hearts.

The CIA would have done well to hire me, as my remote-viewing skills are unrivaled.

Thx floating - my father-in-law had a small uptic today. Headed in the right direction down a long, long road. Will read up on the 5th heart when I have more time.
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Old 10.26.2012, 01:05 PM   #34447
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gast30
seen a beautifull girl today
she needs to come soon into my life
so she can open up like a flower opens up in the sun

i personally think she deserves better
she has a job where she works 5 days of 7
and probably a boring man who is approved by the parents as good wedding material

she has that sort of life
and i think that is what is making her unhappy

come to me you beautifull girl
and i'll love you like no girl is loved on this planet

Writing about it here isn't going to work is it?
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Old 10.26.2012, 02:58 PM   #34448
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Diesel
Writing about it here isn't going to work is it?
you miss the core of my story
my love is real
that is enough to know
you don't need to know more


that is what you are intrested in when you are looking for someone to love?
OR NOT ?

the real experience
the real love
the real sharing of time and life in harmony
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Old 10.26.2012, 04:52 PM   #34449
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RIP Big L

 
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And John Cage isn't a "mondern noise artist." - atsonicpark

 

 
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Old 10.27.2012, 10:18 AM   #34450
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Quote:
Originally Posted by floatingslowly
meanwhile, at Savage Clone's house....




 
It seems football will stay stuck in the 1970s while the rest of the world advances into a sci-fi future.
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Old 10.27.2012, 10:47 AM   #34451
Genteel Death
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Old 10.27.2012, 12:31 PM   #34452
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those are not soo bad tits genteeldeath
you have her email?
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Old 10.27.2012, 12:44 PM   #34453
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is she still alive? you have not put her bodyparts in a freezer or something?
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Old 10.27.2012, 02:32 PM   #34454
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just back from a walk
it is very cold outside
the more cosy inside
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Old 10.27.2012, 04:31 PM   #34455
gast30
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i have a great idea for art )))))))))
[adds this great art idea to the many other great art idea's]
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Old 10.28.2012, 02:31 PM   #34456
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Original ad:
Wanted - CHILDRENS DVDS
Movies wanted for children aged 5 and up - will take all unwanted DVDs!

From Me to *********@**********.org:

Hey there!

I'm trying to get rid of a bunch of movies I've had since I was a kid. The movie stores won't take them, and it would be a shame for me to just throw them out. I'd love to pass them on to people who can enjoy them. Let me know if you are interested.

Mike

From Julia ****** to Me:

Mike - Which movies do you have and how much do you want for them?

From Me to Julia ******:

Julia,

Here is the full list:

Alvin and the Chipmunks
Alladin
Backdoor Creampies 2
Beauty and the Beast
Big Black Threesome
Fantasia
Finally 18 and Legal
The Lion King
Mattress Slaves 3
The Mighty Ducks
Toy Story
Wet Squirters 5

Please let me know which ones you want.

Thanks,

Mike

From Julia ****** to Me:

Mike...some of those titles are inappropriate.

From Me to Julia ******:

Julia,

Which titles are inappropriate?

Mike

From Julia ****** to Me:

I think you know which ones...

From Me to Julia ******:

Are you talking about Fantasia? I know, I thought it was a Vietnam war movie too. I assure you it has nothing to do with Asia and is completely appropriate for children. The only other title I think you are referring to as inappropriate is The Lion King, but I think you are confusing that with "The Scorpion King," the violent movie starring Dwayne Johnson. While the Lion King does have adult themes, it is nothing like The Scorpion King.

I hope this clears things up.

Mike

From Julia ****** to Me:

No...explain to me how these movies are for children??? Backdoor Creampies, Big Black Threesome, Finally 18 and Legal, Mattress Slaves 3, Wet Squirters 5. It sounds to me like you are trying to throw out your porn collection.

From Me to Julia ******:

Pornography? What a disgusting accusation! What kind of a person do you think I am? You have a really perverted mind if you think those movies are adult films.

You've really never heard of those movies? Where was your childhood? I'll find the plot summaries for you.

Backdoor Creampies - Cindy, a little girl with big ambitions, decides to open a bakery in her parents kitchen - selling pies to children who come to her backyard. Cindy learns that running a business isn't all fun and games in this hilarious tale of entrepreneurship.

Big Black Threesome - Barry, Billy and Bernie are three lovable black bears who have zany adventures during their quest for honey.

Finally 18 and Legal - A coming of age story about a young girl who becomes an independent woman.

Mattress Slaves 3 - Part 3 of the shocking documentary about slave labor in the mattress industry of third world countries. (Acceptable for kids, and in my opinion, a necessity to educate them on some real world issues. I never bought a foreign mattress again after this eye-opener.)

Wet Squirters 5 - The Squirters gang is back again in this heartwarming tale about a group of whales who try to find their long lost father in a vast ocean of wet sea critters.

Once again, I hope this clears things up for you.

Mike

From Julia ****** to Me:

You expect me to believe that all of those movies simply have unfortunate titles? Nice try.

From Me to Julia ******:

Sorry to disappoint your sick mind Julia, but yes, they are all children's movies. So do you want them or not?

By the way, I just found 3 more movies to add to the collection I am offering:

Toy Story 2
James and the Giant Peach
Walt Disney's Double Penetration Cockblasts 3

Mike

From Julia ****** to Me:

Okay I've had enough of this. You are a nut.

From Me to Julia ******:

Think of the children, Julia. They will never get to enjoy these classic films because of you.

From Julia ****** to Me:

Go to hell.
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Old 10.28.2012, 02:38 PM   #34457
Genteel Death
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Original ad:
Humane "hav a heart" traps for kittens needed
There are some kittens in my neighborhood that need to find good homes. I need a trap 4 the cats to help bring them in. Please email me if you have a trap (and a heart)!

From Me to *********@********.org:

Hello,

Are you still looking for a trap for cats?

Mike

From Deb ******* to Me:

Yes I am can you help me?

From Me to Deb *******:

I most certainly can! I believe this trap is for those who want to "have a heart." I used it to catch a stray cat that kept coming into my garage. It is called the KittyHugger. All you have to do is put some cat food on the trigger, and when the cat comes to eat it, the trap gently contracts into a hugging position and comfortably hugs the cat until you come back to deal with the little guy. Please let me know if this will work.

Mike

From Deb ******* to Me:

Mike- I have never heard of a trap like that. I was referring to the "Havahart" traps...you know like the cages for animals?? Do you have any pictures of the trap? I'd like to see how it works before I get it. Thanks.

From Me to Deb *******:

Absolutely. I've attached a picture of it. Sorry if it is a little messy; I haven't cleaned the trap in a while.

Attachment:
 


From Deb ******* to Me:

YOU'RE SICK!

From Me to Deb *******:

Excuse me?

From Deb ******* to Me:

You killed that poor cat OMG

From Me to Deb *******:

I didn't kill the cat. I told you it was a little messy. The last cat I caught knocked over the bowl of juice I gave him so he wouldn't get thirsty. As you can see, it made quite the mess. I assure you this trap is 100% safe and humane.

From Deb ******* to Me:

IT OBVIOUSLY IS NOT SAFE. IT IS COVERED IN BLOOD

From Me to Deb *******:

You've clearly never seen a juice spill before. You have a twisted imagination if you think that is blood. I guess you don't want the trap.

Before you give up on me, I have one more trap you may be interested in. I actually think it is one of those Have a Heart traps you were talking about, though I've never heard it called that.

Please see the attachments. As you can see from the pictures, the kitty will have plenty of room to be safe and comfortable. It comes with a black tube at the end that is used to pump warm air into the cage to keep him warm while he waits to be released.

I'm sorry I didn't have time to clean the trap. It is still a little messy because the last cat I had in there spilled his bowl of juice and his cat food. It went everywhere!

Mike

Attachment:
 


 


From Deb ******* to Me:

Wow can't you read the ad you sick jerk? I DON'T WANT TO KILL THEM

How you managed to turn that trap into a bloody mess is a mystery to me but keep the hell away from me!!!
 
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Old 10.28.2012, 02:42 PM   #34458
Genteel Death
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Original ad:
WANTED - Microwave
I am looking for a used microwave. WHITE ONLY

From Me to *********@************.org:

I have a LG microwave that I want to sell for $30. I am aware that your ad said whites only, but I am an African American. I sincerely hope that this won't be a problem for you, and we can put race issues aside and just do business.

Thank you,
Jamal

From Amy ****** to Me:

I am so sorry that you misread my ad. I meant the microwave should be white, because it would match my kitchen.

Amy

From Me to Amy ******:

Oh, so because I am black, you think that I can't read? It really is amazing that the world we live in is still so racist. I'm sorry, but your insults have left me feeling sick. I don't think I can sell my microwave to a bigot.

Sincerely offended,
Jamal

From Amy ****** to Me:

I wasn't suggesting that you couldn't read. I'm not racist. If you read my whole email you would see that the ad was looking for a white microwave, not a white person. I changed the ad to avoid any confusion.

Amy

From Me to Amy ******:

So now you think that because I am black, I am too lazy to read your whole e-mails. Your racism is overwhelming. You will never get my microwave from me. I will, however, sell you a burning cross for your next klan meeting. Does $20 for the cross sound fair?

From Amy ****** to Me:

I can't write anything without you being offended! I give up!

From Me to Amy ******:

So you don't want the microwave?

From Amy ****** to Me:

Will you still sell it to me?

From Me to Amy ******:

I would never sell anything to a racist.

From Amy ****** to Me:

Ugh I'm done with you.
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Old 10.28.2012, 02:48 PM   #34459
Genteel Death
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Original ad:
we need profesional catering for our christmas day dinner party. must have experence catering. SERIOUS RESPONSES ONLY
From Me to ************@*********.org:

Hello,

I am writing in response to your ad looking for a caterer for your Christmas dinner party. I am a freelance chef with a lot of catering experience. I was the top chef at the world renowned Restauran de Bon Foodeux for over five years. If you are still looking for a caterer, let me know.

Thanks,

Michael

From Brian ******* to Me:

michael thank you for responding. what are your rates? we are expeting about twenty people at are dinner party so will need enough food for all of them. can you supply the food and we reembirse you? also do you have a menu of mealss you cook for us to choose from?

From Me to Brian *******:

Brian,

Supplying the food will not be a problem. I have a wide variety of exquisite dishes for you to choose from, which I will list below. My rates are per person and it depends on the meal, but generally ranges from $20-$40 per person. Here are the meals I typically offer:

La Nouille du Triomphe
A meal of pure bliss and flavor - a delicious plate of ramen noodles boiled in the purest of water. Noodles can be flavored with either chicken or beef seasoning.

Le Repas du Fromage Délicieux
A mouthwatering bowl of easy mac cooked to perfection in a microwave. Served with a side of peanut M&Ms.

Le Repas de la Faim de Grande Personne
A delectably and savory microwaved TV dinner. The dish comes with two pieces of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, freshly grown vegetables and a satisfying brownie that is heated to absolute perfection.

Le Sandwich Rouge
A truly phenominal sandwich consisting of ketchup spread over a carefully microwaved piece of bread, and then topped with another piece of bread. Comes with a side of mayonnaise for dipping.

Dessert

Le Plat du Lait et de la Céréale
A satisfying end to your meal, this dessert consists of a bowl of fruit loops served with either skim or 2% milk. Milk can be substituted with water for those on a diet.

La Pâtisserie Bourrée
Individually wrapped twinkies that have been microwaved to sheer delight.

Let me know which meals you are interested in, and I can give you a quote on how much everything will cost.

Thank you,
Michael

From Brian ******* to Me:

what the fuck you actully cater that shit to people ? yea im gonna serve easy mac and twinkies for christmas dinner are you fuckin kidding me. my son in college could make that shit!

From Me to Brian *******:

Brian,

The twinkes aren't for everyone. I understand if you are on a diet, but for me, nothing celebrates the birth of Jesus like a twinkie and some good easy mac. If you aren't interested in that meal, would you consider any of my other options? My personal favorite is Le Sandwich Rouge. That is also very affordable. For twenty people, it would probably cost you about $400.

Michael

From Brian ******* to Me:

cut the bullshit fancy french names and call it a goddamn gross ass ketchup sanwich

From Me to Brian *******:

Brian,

I am personally offended that you are insulting my masterpiece meals. These are perfected family recipes that have been passed down for generations of chefs in my family. Cooking is my art, and for you to insult me without even trying my work is just plain rude.

Michael
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Old 10.28.2012, 04:01 PM   #34460
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h8kurdt kicks all y'all's assesh8kurdt kicks all y'all's assesh8kurdt kicks all y'all's assesh8kurdt kicks all y'all's assesh8kurdt kicks all y'all's assesh8kurdt kicks all y'all's assesh8kurdt kicks all y'all's assesh8kurdt kicks all y'all's assesh8kurdt kicks all y'all's assesh8kurdt kicks all y'all's assesh8kurdt kicks all y'all's asses
Well that cheered me up.
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Down with this sort of thing.
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