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Old 08.05.2009, 03:50 AM   #20041
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haha
now tell me one that will make me cry
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Old 08.05.2009, 03:52 AM   #20042
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Has anyone heard of that insane Christian wrestling federation that Ted DiBiase runs?

Hawk (from Legion of Doom/Road Warriors) was this "sinning".. cheating, lying alcoholic dude.. so, after a match one time, Hawk was left in the ring by himself. A bunch of Demons came down from the rafters, much like sting, and preceeded to beat up Hawk. Hawk tried to fight them off but couldn't, the demons through him out of the ring and wraped his legs and arms in chains. Hawk tried to break through yet couldn't, The paster came and asked what was wrong. He jsut won a match, he should be happy. Hawk (who was crying) said he wanted to do drugs and kill himself because his best freind Curt Hennig died yesterday.

The Paster convinced Hawk not to kill himself and to let him accept Jesus into his heart. Hawk said a prayer and the entire crowd had to say it with him. Hawk broke free of the chains and stood up...everyone was DEMANDED to stand up with him. Then a skit was shown with a bunch of roman warriors beating up, and bodyslamming, and piledriving JESUS CHRIST. Then they put a cross on his back and a guy started singing. Then Buff Bagwell ran down and helped Jesus, then they turned the ring into an alter, and the ushers started pushing all the kids into the ring. And everyone had to use the WRESTLING RING as a ALTER and accept Jesus into their hearts. Then the ushers yelled at everyone to get off the roaps (in the middle of prayer).
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Old 08.05.2009, 03:54 AM   #20043
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Jesus FTW eh ? ... No.
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Old 08.05.2009, 03:55 AM   #20044
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Oh, one that will make you cry?

I think my girlfriend is definitely leaving me soon after 6 1/2 years. A perfect ending to the WORST FUCKING YEAR OF MY LIFE. I wrote about it elsewhere so I'll paste it from here: My aunt dying last year has caused this insane spiral effect of awfulness that has made me deal with crap that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. I've had to go in and out of court a good 20 times now, dealing with these insane meth heads. I've had to sell this house and deal with this complete moron who makes me chase him down to get any money from him. He hasn't even paid the house off yet and he just completely tore it down the other day, and I didn't find out about it... so, now, I'm stuck. Because if he decides NOT to pay the rest of it off, yeah, he's lost some money -- but there's no way I'll be able to sell the house now, to someone else, because THERE IS NO HOUSE NOW. My "close" family have all went insane. My great-grandpa is currently in a nursing home and all signs point to the fact that he probably won't be alive very soon. What else? The love of my life has been the only one to really help me get through some of this stuff, and I've cried to her many times... I really have appreciated her help, but even she isn't going to be around much longer (probably). It's nothing too dramatic, she needs to do her own thing for a while. I hate drama. OH YEAH, I got turned down for a raise because I have an "attitude problem", I'm on antidepressants and I just ran out today and it's too late to get them filled, every time I go in to work I want to vomit. Just lots of shit. It's not any one thing. I feel like I've been in this depressed state for a long time and I've alienated certain people, but MORE bad shit keeps happening on top of the bad shit I was ALREADY dealing with, so I'm just buried in it at this point. How do I possibly escape from this madness? Well, at one point, I knew exactly how to fix things but even those plans fell through. I have literally nothing to be happy about at the moment. Money is meaningless and worthless to me at this point, as are material possessions. It's all just stuff anyway, right? I need to realize that life is just life. And there's more to life THAN life. I need to look at things on a higher level and stop being so concerned with the trivialities of life. Sorry to anyone I've pissed off lately. I've been dealing with a lot. OH, I almost forgot, my aunt's death was accidental and I'm involved in ANOTHER court case where we are suing these doctors. Oh, what else? I don't remember. Any one thing I just mentioned is enough to make a good man turn bad, so all of that shit combined is just insane.
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Old 08.05.2009, 03:57 AM   #20045
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atsonicpark kicks all y'all's assesatsonicpark kicks all y'all's assesatsonicpark kicks all y'all's assesatsonicpark kicks all y'all's assesatsonicpark kicks all y'all's assesatsonicpark kicks all y'all's assesatsonicpark kicks all y'all's assesatsonicpark kicks all y'all's assesatsonicpark kicks all y'all's assesatsonicpark kicks all y'all's assesatsonicpark kicks all y'all's asses
I forgot to mention that I was ALMOST CHARGED WITH COUNTERFEITING MONEY this year. I don't think I ever mentioned that on here... but I basically spent a $100 bill that I got for Christmas sometime back in January and then a few days later the police had me come down for questioning! The bill was fake. It was an older $100 bill, too. Granted, it didn't feel QUITE RIGHT.. but it kinda felt like money that had been washed in a pair of jeans or something. My grandpa went down with me and he explained that he gave me the bill for X-Mas, that he got it from the bank, and they acted really suspicious and said that a detective would be calling me... but that hasn't happened yet.. hmm.
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Old 08.05.2009, 03:57 AM   #20046
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atsonicpark kicks all y'all's assesatsonicpark kicks all y'all's assesatsonicpark kicks all y'all's assesatsonicpark kicks all y'all's assesatsonicpark kicks all y'all's assesatsonicpark kicks all y'all's assesatsonicpark kicks all y'all's assesatsonicpark kicks all y'all's assesatsonicpark kicks all y'all's assesatsonicpark kicks all y'all's assesatsonicpark kicks all y'all's asses
* tristan pokes Chantale in the jelly
* skeletor pokes Chantale in the jelly
* agaetis pokes Chantale in the jelly
* sasha pokes Chantale in the jelly
* myrkur pokes Chantale in the jelly
* sigur-ros pokes Chantale in the jelly
* aslka pokes Chantale in the jelly
* offspring pokes Chantale in the jelly
* BaD-CooL pokes Chantale in the jelly
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Old 08.05.2009, 03:58 AM   #20047
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i actually do have tears because i feel the same way
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Old 08.05.2009, 03:59 AM   #20048
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I'm never last picked.
Got a cheerleading chick.
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Old 08.05.2009, 04:01 AM   #20049
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Stop crying.

Listen to some R. Kelly..


"Run your hands through my 'fro!"

"Sippin on coke and rum, I'm like 'So what I'm drunk'?"

"It's the freakin' weekend, I'm gonna piss on an underaged minor after I fuck her brains out and film it because I'm a cornroled stupid faggot who likes to molest little girls and get away with it because I have OJ Simpson's lawyers because I contributed a song to a Michael Jordan and Bugs Bunny movie, so come fuck me."
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Old 08.05.2009, 04:02 AM   #20050
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i'm not crying just teary

i'm listening to the game



that piss was digital
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Old 08.05.2009, 04:06 AM   #20051
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There’s this guy I know whose wife is about to give birth to a little baby, awww.... Don’t you think it would be REALLY funny if she gave birth and it was just a big pile of shit that LOOKED like a baby? I just love the idea of the doctor having to explain, “Hmm... I guess waste was slowly leaking from your bowels into your womb all this time. But you gotta admit –- it sure LOOKS like a baby!” A little shit baby!
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Old 08.05.2009, 04:06 AM   #20052
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TheFoxBen kicks all y'all's assesTheFoxBen kicks all y'all's assesTheFoxBen kicks all y'all's assesTheFoxBen kicks all y'all's assesTheFoxBen kicks all y'all's assesTheFoxBen kicks all y'all's assesTheFoxBen kicks all y'all's assesTheFoxBen kicks all y'all's assesTheFoxBen kicks all y'all's assesTheFoxBen kicks all y'all's assesTheFoxBen kicks all y'all's asses
Wow, that fake bill story is weird... You're a fucking gangster, aren't you ?

 
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Old 08.05.2009, 04:07 AM   #20053
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Is it depression or disease? Tell it to the millipedes... The casserole was good and the drives were so nice, welcome to the worst part of your life. I'm hard to fix because it took me so goddamn long to figure out that I broke down. Mold spores fill my lungs and silverfish hide in the Venetian blinds in the wintertime. In the bathroom, with the shower running and my clothes on, I figured out that I hate you all. I'm hard to fix because it took me so goddamn long to figure out that I broke down.
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Old 08.05.2009, 04:08 AM   #20054
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March 18, 2003

Had sex with Tyler today. God it hurt sooo bad! He's no high school boy that's for sure. You're probably wondering how this all happened. O.K. here it is in a nutshell. He picked me up at our usual meeting spot around the block from school at the Asian deli. We drove around for a bit just talking about stuff. He was still in his Taco Bell uniform and his Mustang smelled like burritos. He seemed kind of nervous-like but I didn't think anything of it at the time. I figured he might have just gotten high. So we got to his house and he went into this ill-prepared speech about our relationship, which by the way is three weeks strong and counting, and how much he loves me and how he wants to strengthen our relationship by taking things to the next level. It was kind of cheesy but sweet too. Nevermind the fact that I'd have fucked him the first day we met in Lindsey's driveway. Nevertheless, I agreed. Not sounding to eager of course. I even made sure to hesitate a little to add a touch of suspense. Besides, I'm not easy. I can be such a bitch sometimes. So we went into his bedroom and fortunately his roommate Jerry was still at work. The whole thing happened so fast. Next thing I know he was cumming on my stomach. He made this funny face like those bitter beer face commercials on t.v. It was warm. He cleaned it off with a sock that was on the floor and apologized. I told him it was cool, and it was. After we got dressed Jerry came home so we left. Ty dropped me off at home, well around the corner of course. My mom said she'd call the cops if he kept seeing me and Donny said he'd kick his ass if he ever sees him around. I told him to mind his own business cause he's not my real dad anyways. He only sticks around so he can fuck my mom. It does kind of make things exciting, sneaking around and all. WHY ARE THERE LAWS PLACED ON LOVE?


Ahhh... the words of true love. The white trash/trailerpark community attemps to procreate, and it's fucking scandalous!
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Old 08.05.2009, 04:09 AM   #20055
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Allow me to tell you about a little movie. Nay, to call it a "little movie" is to insult this masterful piece of film. When I returned to my domicile on September 14, 2002 following two weeks of class, I found my brother on the couch in our living room watching, on a cable channel, a movie known, in title, as Home Alone 2: Lost In New York.

The irony of the title is confusing at first. "If he's lost in New York, then how can he be home alone?" Ah, but that is viewing the film on a purely superficial level. Yes indeed, our protagonist and hero Kevin McAllister is indeed roaming the streets of New York City in a manner which does not come close to resembling being home alone, but that's not the point. His soul is what is alone at home, in the kingdom of his body, completely lacking any mode of support similar to that which he receives when he is with his family in Chicago. This allegory holds true to the first, weaker film in the series as well, but only has a chance to come to its full fruition when the title transcends Kevin's physical situation and embodies conditions deeper than those that are obvious.

Another brilliant facet of the film is that it moves beyond the domestic issues explored in the original film and hits upon several much deeper and more important social issues that show maturation on the part of both the director and the screenwriter. The "pigeon lady" played by Brenda Fricker, in what indeed has to be the performance of her career, rivaled only by her role as the school headmistress in the equally brilliant Masterminds, displays the heart and soul of the plight of the urban poor while making it totally clear to the audience that this is a significant social issue that needs to be dealt with as soon as possible. She takes refuge at night in the loft of a concert hall populated by a symphony orchestra, and it is from this, not frivolous personal niceties like expensive clothing and exquisite food, from which she derives the largest amount of pleasure in life.

However, even more important are the antagonists Harry and Marv, portrayed with gusto by Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern, each respectively turning in the most multi-layered, complex turns of their career, even surpassing those given in such cinematic masterpieces as 8 Heads In A Duffel Bag and Rookie Of The Year. Chris Columbus portrays their characters as evil, but evil in a fashion which completely and thoroughly gets across the world-weary, bitter outlook that each of them has towards this farce which we call life after spending eight months in prison for the mere crime of breaking and entering. Marv claims that he wants to reform the criminals' act from being the water-obsessive "Wet Bandits" to the adhesive "Sticky Bandits," but the shift, despite being frowned upon by Harry, is much more than meets the eye. The "Wet," clearly a reference to the prohibition movement of the 1920's, was symbolic of the recklessness which once defined the lives of the two bandits. The "Sticky," on the other hand, is symbolic of the bandits' newfound determination to "stick with it" and fulfill their ambitions and dreams regardless of any roadblocks that might inadvertendly cross their paths. This ambition: to rob the largest toy store in New York and walk off with the cash contained within. This is not merely an eloquent social commentary on the frailty of the capitalist system, but also, through the choice of a toy store as the base of the planned robbery, stands as Harry and Marv's grand attempt to regain the youth that they lost in being forced by cruel nature to resort to a life of crime.

The film's bravura ending, in which Kevin lures the two burglars through a maze of traps and tricks in a startlilngly similar fashion to that of the first film, is a notable improvement over the themes explored in the original movie as well. While in Home Alone, Kevin foiled the burglars' plans through child-like objects such as Christmas ornaments and Micro Machines, in this film he subjects them to 10,000 volt electric charges and continuous fifty-foot drops onto the concrete floor of the brownstone's basement. Not only have Kevin's methods grown increasingly ingenious and complex compared to the simplicity of his plans in the first film, the stakes are higher as well - when encountered by a normal human being, sticking one's head, engulfed in flames, into a toilet filled with flammable liquid would almost certainly result in death. It is only through the sheer determination of the two burglars, somehow translated into a sense of increased physical endurance, that they are able to survive Kevin's master plan and traverse through the complete literary cycle of poetic justice. In the end, Kevin wins, but Harold and Marvin are, in some ways, the true heroes.

All in all, this is an absolutely brilliant movie, and watching it during my second year at the University of California, Berkeley has only made it all the more clear that when I regarded the movie as a piece of hilariously light entertainment when I was in fourth grade, I was merely scratching the surface of a great work which will outlast the ages and rightfully stand as a defining artifact of late 20th-century American culture for centuries, nay, millennia to come.

Amen.
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Old 08.05.2009, 04:11 AM   #20056
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TheFoxBen kicks all y'all's assesTheFoxBen kicks all y'all's assesTheFoxBen kicks all y'all's assesTheFoxBen kicks all y'all's assesTheFoxBen kicks all y'all's assesTheFoxBen kicks all y'all's assesTheFoxBen kicks all y'all's assesTheFoxBen kicks all y'all's assesTheFoxBen kicks all y'all's assesTheFoxBen kicks all y'all's assesTheFoxBen kicks all y'all's asses
LOL REBELS

(Home Alone 2 is a good movie btw, the first one is better.)

Oh, and your post is FUCKING TOO LONG !
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Old 08.05.2009, 04:14 AM   #20057
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See, that's the thing, people see I have 19000+ posts and they automatically assume I've just posted thousands of posts with stuff like "this sucks" or "fuck."

But really, my posts take a lot of thought!
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Old 08.05.2009, 04:14 AM   #20058
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dildo
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Old 08.05.2009, 04:16 AM   #20059
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You can't deny this one.
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Old 08.05.2009, 04:16 AM   #20060
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i just threw up the only food i've eaten in 2-3 days
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