Open letters to celebrities - Page 2

MellySingsDoom · 08.02.2007, 04:53 PM

Dear Christian Bale

I know you're probably a raging hetero, but could you bugger me senseless anyway?

Yours sweetly

Melly xx

Pookie · 08.02.2007, 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Glice

Dear Lauren Laverne,

I love you, leave that Scottish bastard and join me in holy matrimony. I love you more, and am possibly more of a drunk.

Yours,

Glice.

PS - I secretly love you more than Kellly O. Don't tell her though.

Which Scottish bastard is she with?

MellySingsDoom · 08.02.2007, 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pookie

I used to get up and have breakfast watching it. I must be older than you because I think I'd finished college and was trying to avoid getting a job.

Man, I remember those days too

Too bad they didn't last long!

Glice · 08.02.2007, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pookie

Which Scottish bastard is she with?

Malcolm 'Strap' Middleton, I believe.

demonrail666 · 08.02.2007, 04:55 PM

Dear Charlotte Church/everyone Glice has mentioned so far/Claire out of Steps,

I know the world misunderstands you. But together we can make it work. Let's run away together.

DR666

Glice · 08.02.2007, 04:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MellySingsDoom

Dear Jamiroquai

Could you please take your smelly pseudo-funky mysoginist arse out of the gene pool, preferably through a huge ingestion of Ex-Lax?

Yours impatiently

Melly

Dear Jamiroquai,

If you don't listen to my mate Melly, I'm going to eat your lungs and piss in your liver you fucking cunt.

Yours,

Glice.

Glice · 08.02.2007, 04:57 PM

Dear Charlotte 'Charlie' Church,

If you dare break our sacred holy bond (viz., me wanking over you on telly) I'll eat your fucking tonsils you callow bitch.

Yours,

Glice.

MellySingsDoom · 08.02.2007, 04:58 PM

Dear Aviril Lavigne

I think my son demon's cheating on you again

Yours shopping my boy to the 3AM Girls ("Just leave the five grand in used tenners by the till at the basement in Soho Books - yeah, by the anal section")

Melly

MellySingsDoom · 08.02.2007, 05:00 PM

Dear Guy Ritchie

STOP MAKING FILMS NOW!!!!

Yours tired of mockney shite

Melly

PS Same goes for you, Tarantino

Sheriff Rhys Chatham · 08.02.2007, 05:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MellySingsDoom

Dear Christian Bale

I know you're probably a raging hetero, but could you bugger me senseless anyway?

Yours sweetly

Melly xx

hes my favorite actor.

demonrail666 · 08.02.2007, 05:01 PM

Dear Suggs,

Nobody likes you anymore, except Jools Holland. And nobody likes him anymore, except Paul Weller. And nobody likes him anymore, except Noel Gallagher. And nobody likes him anymore, except Johnny Borrell. And nobody likes him anymore except Kirsten Dunst. And nobody likes her anymore, except me.

So you're fucked, mate.

Yours,

DR666

MellySingsDoom · 08.02.2007, 05:02 PM

Dear David Beckham

Have you never felt like giving your "wife" a good kick in the cunt?

Yours just asking, like

Melly

jon boy · 08.02.2007, 05:04 PM

dear justin lee hawkings,

you utterly ridiculous fucking cunt just fuck off and die. you make me want to slit my writs and spray blood all over your stupid bearded ugly west country fat fucking face. you cunt.

yours etc etc
jon

MellySingsDoom · 08.02.2007, 05:06 PM

Dear Bernard Manning

You're dead, you wanker.

Melly

jon boy · 08.02.2007, 05:07 PM

dear hosts of the friday night project,

i hope you fucking burn in hell and get bits of you nailed to the floor. why dont you just stop making such irrelevant telly you utterly predictable bunch of useless fucking cunts.

etc.

MellySingsDoom · 08.02.2007, 05:10 PM

Dear Paul Weller

Why are you such a total cunt? Is is because you wish you were brought up in Ladbroke Grove instead of Woking?

Yours expectantly

Melly

Glice · 08.02.2007, 05:14 PM

Dear Konni Huq,

Why don't you return my letters? Do you, perhaps, have fears that my enormous penis might damage your cervix?

Yours, big-cockedly,

Glice.

Prisstina · 08.02.2007, 05:14 PM

dear christopher meloni,

i saw your oz blowjob & shower scenes today, and holy mackerel, will you be mine? i wanna sv you.

sincerely,
emily

demonrail666 · 08.02.2007, 05:15 PM

Dear Danny Dyer,

When your peers were all out fingering girls in the park and nicking cadbury's cream eggs from the corner shop, you were busy being a tree at drama school. Remember that you fucking cunt.

DR666

pbradley · 08.02.2007, 05:27 PM

Dear Samuel L. Motherfuckin' Jackson,

I know I didn't see Black Snake Moan, yes yes I'm a motherfucker got yah, but I really dug those tunes you sang on for the soundtrack. Please record an album. I would love to hear more songs about you putting bullets into some motherfucker's chest.

Your motherfukin' fan,
pbradley

08.02.2007, 04:53 PM	#21
MellySingsDoom invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 8,662	Dear Christian Bale I know you're probably a raging hetero, but could you bugger me senseless anyway? Yours sweetly Melly xx __________________ Snow on Easter Sunday - Jesus Christ in reverse.
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08.02.2007, 04:55 PM	#25
demonrail666 invito al cielo Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 18,509	Dear Charlotte Church/everyone Glice has mentioned so far/Claire out of Steps, I know the world misunderstands you. But together we can make it work. Let's run away together. DR666
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08.02.2007, 04:58 PM	#28
MellySingsDoom invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 8,662	Dear Aviril Lavigne I think my son demon's cheating on you again Yours shopping my boy to the 3AM Girls ("Just leave the five grand in used tenners by the till at the basement in Soho Books - yeah, by the anal section") Melly __________________ Snow on Easter Sunday - Jesus Christ in reverse.
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08.02.2007, 05:00 PM	#29
MellySingsDoom invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 8,662	Dear Guy Ritchie STOP MAKING FILMS NOW!!!! Yours tired of mockney shite Melly PS Same goes for you, Tarantino __________________ Snow on Easter Sunday - Jesus Christ in reverse.
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08.02.2007, 05:01 PM	#31
demonrail666 invito al cielo Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 18,509	Dear Suggs, Nobody likes you anymore, except Jools Holland. And nobody likes him anymore, except Paul Weller. And nobody likes him anymore, except Noel Gallagher. And nobody likes him anymore, except Johnny Borrell. And nobody likes him anymore except Kirsten Dunst. And nobody likes her anymore, except me. So you're fucked, mate. Yours, DR666
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08.02.2007, 05:02 PM	#32
MellySingsDoom invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 8,662	Dear David Beckham Have you never felt like giving your "wife" a good kick in the cunt? Yours just asking, like Melly __________________ Snow on Easter Sunday - Jesus Christ in reverse.
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08.02.2007, 05:04 PM	#33
jon boy invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: psycho battery Posts: 12,161	dear justin lee hawkings, you utterly ridiculous fucking cunt just fuck off and die. you make me want to slit my writs and spray blood all over your stupid bearded ugly west country fat fucking face. you cunt. yours etc etc jon __________________ Sarcasm[A] is stating the opposite of an intended meaning especially in order to sneeringly, slyly, jest or mock a person, situation or thing \|@ <------- Euphoric brain cell just moments before expiration V _ \ / _ PING <-------- moments later / \ http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljhxq...isruo1_500.gif
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08.02.2007, 05:06 PM	#34
MellySingsDoom invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 8,662	Dear Bernard Manning You're dead, you wanker. Melly __________________ Snow on Easter Sunday - Jesus Christ in reverse.
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08.02.2007, 05:07 PM	#35
jon boy invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: psycho battery Posts: 12,161	dear hosts of the friday night project, i hope you fucking burn in hell and get bits of you nailed to the floor. why dont you just stop making such irrelevant telly you utterly predictable bunch of useless fucking cunts. etc. __________________ Sarcasm[A] is stating the opposite of an intended meaning especially in order to sneeringly, slyly, jest or mock a person, situation or thing \|@ <------- Euphoric brain cell just moments before expiration V _ \ / _ PING <-------- moments later / \ http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljhxq...isruo1_500.gif
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08.02.2007, 05:10 PM	#36
MellySingsDoom invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 8,662	Dear Paul Weller Why are you such a total cunt? Is is because you wish you were brought up in Ladbroke Grove instead of Woking? Yours expectantly Melly __________________ Snow on Easter Sunday - Jesus Christ in reverse.
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08.02.2007, 05:14 PM	#38
Prisstina the end of the ugly Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Killwaukee Posts: 996	dear christopher meloni, i saw your oz blowjob & shower scenes today, and holy mackerel, will you be mine? i wanna sv you. sincerely, emily __________________
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08.02.2007, 05:15 PM	#39
demonrail666 invito al cielo Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 18,509	Dear Danny Dyer, When your peers were all out fingering girls in the park and nicking cadbury's cream eggs from the corner shop, you were busy being a tree at drama school. Remember that you fucking cunt. DR666
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08.02.2007, 05:27 PM	#40
pbradley invito al cielo Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: SoKo Posts: 10,621	Dear Samuel L. Motherfuckin' Jackson, I know I didn't see Black Snake Moan, yes yes I'm a motherfucker got yah, but I really dug those tunes you sang on for the soundtrack. Please record an album. I would love to hear more songs about you putting bullets into some motherfucker's chest. Your motherfukin' fan, pbradley
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