Jokes - Page 2

schizophrenicroom · 03.25.2006, 09:36 PM

What do trash and ugly girls have in common?

Nothing. Trash gets taken out.

TheDom · 03.25.2006, 09:43 PM

How about some "yo mama" jokes.

Yo mama so old she sat behind Jesus in first grade/she still owes Moses a quarter.

Ya mama so fat she Australia for a continental breakfast.

schizophrenicroom · 03.25.2006, 09:54 PM

Yo mama so stupid she had you.

lame. i am sorry.

SpectralJulianIsNotDead · 03.25.2006, 10:00 PM

This joke is pretty off color and offensive, but here it is anyways

What does a sex ed teacher call two gay guys?

Visual aids.

schizophrenicroom · 03.25.2006, 10:06 PM

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers?

One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year.

Sheriff Rhys Chatham · 03.25.2006, 10:09 PM

yo moma so fat, when she dances she makes the band skip.

what does every rascist joke start with?

[...*look left then right,] whats the difference...

static-harmony · 03.25.2006, 11:11 PM

Yo mama is so dumb she thought heaven was another amusement park

Alex's Trip · 03.26.2006, 11:25 PM

There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who can read binary and those who can't.

flophousefloozie · 03.26.2006, 11:42 PM

OK, this one's my claim to fame:

A female brain cells goes into a man's head in search of male brain cells. Inside, the skull is empty. She yells, "Hello, anybody out there? Hello?"
After a few moments she hears a quite, far off voice say "we're down here!"

sonicl · 03.27.2006, 03:05 AM

Q. What do you call a black guy flying a plane?

A. A pilot, you racist!

shentov · 03.27.2006, 05:02 AM

Glice · 03.27.2006, 06:11 AM

I like the crap jokes. Reminded me of: http://www.themanwhofellasleep.com/jokes.html

"Why do women fake orgasms? Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed."

"Did you hear about the Irishman found under a shop?
Yes, he was killed and buried there. It was gang-related."

Glice · 03.27.2006, 06:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alex's Trip

There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who can read binary and those who can't.

This one's only funny when you tell it to people who say, "But that's only two types." And then you do that mirthless laugh of superiority.

Toilet & Bowels · 03.27.2006, 08:06 AM

Q: Why do whistles go "wheeee"?
A: Air blows through them
- Q: What do you wish for?
- A: That your dad was as fun as me!
- Q: Why do Scottish people have ginger hair and pale skin?
A: Because they're evil mutants!
Q: Why does Superman wear his pants outside his trousers?
A: He's a pervert!

Q: Where does Neil Armstrong go on holiday?
A: The London Planetarium!

more of these here:
http://www.bell101.freeserve.co.uk/Man1-Joke.htm

jon boy · 03.27.2006, 08:11 AM

whats grey, sits at the end of your bed and takes the piss?

a kidney dialasis machine.

Hip Priest · 09.21.2006, 05:32 PM

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at thesky and tell me what you see"

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars"

"What does that tell you?" enquired Holmes.

Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful clear day tomorrow. What does it tell YOU?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot, some bastard has stolen our tent"

Hip Priest · 09.21.2006, 05:41 PM

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They send him away and after seven years he returns. "Uncomfortable beds", he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."

jon boy · 09.22.2006, 02:44 AM

a woman goes to the doctor and says she is being sick in the morning and her periods have stopped. after a few tests the doctor comes back and tells her that he hopes she likes changing nappies in the morning. am i pregnant? the woman says. no says the doctor you have bowel cancer.

jon boy · 09.22.2006, 02:54 AM

so i did well i am gonna put the edit tool to good use then.

Pookie · 09.22.2006, 04:20 AM

A man went into a library, walked up to the counter and boldly said:

"I'd like a Big Mac, fries and a coke please."

The librarian said:

"Sir, this is a library."

The man replied in a whisper:

"Sorry... I'd like a Big Mac, fries & a coke please".

03.25.2006, 09:36 PM	#21
schizophrenicroom invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: behind you Posts: 10,807	What do trash and ugly girls have in common? Nothing. Trash gets taken out. __________________ fuck i'm frustrated, freaking out something fierce, would you help me? i'm hungry and i stuffer and i startle, i struggle and i stammer til i'm up to my ears in miserable quote unquote "art"
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03.25.2006, 09:43 PM	#22
TheDom expwy. to yr skull Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Nashville. Posts: 1,924	How about some "yo mama" jokes. Yo mama so old she sat behind Jesus in first grade/she still owes Moses a quarter. Ya mama so fat she Australia for a continental breakfast.
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03.25.2006, 09:54 PM	#23
schizophrenicroom invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: behind you Posts: 10,807	Yo mama so stupid she had you. lame. i am sorry. __________________ fuck i'm frustrated, freaking out something fierce, would you help me? i'm hungry and i stuffer and i startle, i struggle and i stammer til i'm up to my ears in miserable quote unquote "art"
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03.25.2006, 10:00 PM	#24
SpectralJulianIsNotDead invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 7,409	This joke is pretty off color and offensive, but here it is anyways What does a sex ed teacher call two gay guys? Visual aids.
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03.25.2006, 10:06 PM	#25
schizophrenicroom invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: behind you Posts: 10,807	What's the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers? One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year. __________________ fuck i'm frustrated, freaking out something fierce, would you help me? i'm hungry and i stuffer and i startle, i struggle and i stammer til i'm up to my ears in miserable quote unquote "art"
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03.25.2006, 10:09 PM	#26
Sheriff Rhys Chatham invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: New England. Posts: 4,027	yo moma so fat, when she dances she makes the band skip. what does every rascist joke start with? [...*look left then right,] whats the difference... __________________ My Music(grunge rock) A part of this blue shit since June 24th, 2004
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03.25.2006, 11:11 PM	#27
static-harmony invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: outside L.A Posts: 5,156	Yo mama is so dumb she thought heaven was another amusement park __________________
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03.26.2006, 11:25 PM	#28
Alex's Trip invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Southern California Posts: 5,608	There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who can read binary and those who can't. __________________ KALOPSIA
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03.26.2006, 11:42 PM	#29
flophousefloozie expwy. to yr skull Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Cowtown, Canada Posts: 1,694	OK, this one's my claim to fame: A female brain cells goes into a man's head in search of male brain cells. Inside, the skull is empty. She yells, "Hello, anybody out there? Hello?" After a few moments she hears a quite, far off voice say "we're down here!"
	\|QUOTE AND REPLY\|

03.27.2006, 03:05 AM	#30
sonicl invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 9,527	Q. What do you call a black guy flying a plane? A. A pilot, you racist! __________________
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03.27.2006, 05:02 AM	#31
shentov expwy. to yr skull Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Bulgaria Posts: 1,223	__________________
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03.27.2006, 08:06 AM	#34
Toilet & Bowels invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Northern Europe Posts: 12,213	Q: Why do whistles go "wheeee"? A: Air blows through them Q: What do you wish for? A: That your dad was as fun as me! Q: Why do Scottish people have ginger hair and pale skin? A: Because they're evil mutants! Q: Why does Superman wear his pants outside his trousers? A: He's a pervert! Q: Where does Neil Armstrong go on holiday? A: The London Planetarium! more of these here: http://www.bell101.freeserve.co.uk/Man1-Joke.htm
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03.27.2006, 08:11 AM	#35
jon boy invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: psycho battery Posts: 12,161	whats grey, sits at the end of your bed and takes the piss? a kidney dialasis machine.
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09.21.2006, 05:32 PM	#36
Hip Priest invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Birkenhead Posts: 9,397	Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at thesky and tell me what you see" Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars" "What does that tell you?" enquired Holmes. Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful clear day tomorrow. What does it tell YOU?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot, some bastard has stolen our tent" __________________ Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. http://www.flickr.com/photos/outsidethecamp/
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09.21.2006, 05:41 PM	#37
Hip Priest invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Birkenhead Posts: 9,397	A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They send him away and after seven years he returns. "Uncomfortable beds", he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here." __________________ Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. http://www.flickr.com/photos/outsidethecamp/
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09.22.2006, 02:44 AM	#38
jon boy invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: psycho battery Posts: 12,161	a woman goes to the doctor and says she is being sick in the morning and her periods have stopped. after a few tests the doctor comes back and tells her that he hopes she likes changing nappies in the morning. am i pregnant? the woman says. no says the doctor you have bowel cancer. __________________ Sarcasm[A] is stating the opposite of an intended meaning especially in order to sneeringly, slyly, jest or mock a person, situation or thing \|@ <------- Euphoric brain cell just moments before expiration V _ \ / _ PING <-------- moments later / \ http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljhxq...isruo1_500.gif
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09.22.2006, 02:54 AM	#39
jon boy invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: psycho battery Posts: 12,161	so i did well i am gonna put the edit tool to good use then. __________________ Sarcasm[A] is stating the opposite of an intended meaning especially in order to sneeringly, slyly, jest or mock a person, situation or thing \|@ <------- Euphoric brain cell just moments before expiration V _ \ / _ PING <-------- moments later / \ http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljhxq...isruo1_500.gif
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09.22.2006, 04:20 AM	#40
Pookie invito al cielo Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 9,877	A man went into a library, walked up to the counter and boldly said: "I'd like a Big Mac, fries and a coke please." The librarian said: "Sir, this is a library." The man replied in a whisper: "Sorry... I'd like a Big Mac, fries & a coke please".
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