[jon boy]

dear pookie,

i seem to have lodged a bottle up my rectum and cant get it out. its been about an hour and no matter how much lube i use there is just no freeing it. what should i do?

geoff ringworm, crawley.

[Pookie]

Originally Posted by Gulasch Noir

Dir Pookie, i have a preference for that kind of fellatio pictures, where the fellatricis nose is held by the guy. Is this yet normal?

Gulasch Noir
Vienna

And in English please?

Originally Posted by margaret swathord

dear pookie,

i have terrible water retention in my ankles, is this due to the menapause?

margaret swathord, hampshire.

No, you only get really good water retention with the menopause.

Originally Posted by erwina dementia

Dear pookie....oh,sorry i wanted to drop a line to poochie!

p.s. are you his punk brother?


erwina dementia

He's my long lost brother, last seen some time in the '80's. Rumour has it he now lives in a place called retroland.

[Pookie]

Originally Posted by Graham Nascent

Dear Pookie,

I'm afraid of the sun! Why is it such a cunt? Tell it to fuck off. The fucking bastard.

Graham Nascent.

Funny, it says the same about you.

Originally Posted by Barborous Zappa

Dear Pookie,
I have a small willy and the doctor told me that it wont grow any bigger either.I'm 45 years old and have been waiting for some miracles to happen for years to no avail.The choice of remedies is varied but they don't seem to work for me so i'm contemplating the idea of having plastic surgery to have it replaced.Any good words for me?

Yours

Barbarous Zappa

Bora Bora

I like 'adoxography' and 'lalochezia'.

Originally Posted by ferdinand "barney" chernovetzky

dear pookie,

i'm an existentialist and i have read the works of the greats and the more obscure thinkers, yet i'm still feeling a little empty on the subject; i've had many a sleepless night trying to figure it out but i just can't stop thinking about it.

so, i ask you, twizzlers or red vines?

ferdinand "barney" chernovetzky.

st. petersburg, russia.

WOODY ALLEN: That's quite a lovely Jackson Pollock, isn't it?
GIRL IN MUSEUM: Yes it is.

WOODY ALLEN: What does it say to you?

GIRL IN MUSEUM: It restates the negativeness of the universe, the hideous lonely emptiness of existence, nothingness, the predicament of man forced to live in a barren, godless eternity, like a tiny flame flickering in an immense void, with nothing but waste, horror, and degradation, forming a useless bleak straightjacket in a black absurd cosmos.

WOODY ALLEN: What are you doing Saturday night?

GIRL IN MUSEUM: Committing suicide.

WOODY ALLEN: What about Friday night?

Originally Posted by GEOFF RINGWORM

dear pookie,

i seem to have lodged a bottle up my rectum and cant get it out. its been about an hour and no matter how much lube i use there is just no freeing it. what should i do?

geoff ringworm, crawley.

Buy another bottle.

[Everyneurotic]

dear pookie:

who's better, billy ocean or rick astley?

paula abdul

[jon boy]

dear pookie,

someone tells me they love me but wont give me their address what should i do?

mark park, chorley.

[porkmarras]

Dear Pookie,
Summer's nearly over and i wont be able to walk around my neighbourhood at my topless best.Do you know of any good place where my boobs can be shown at the right temperature?

Regards

Keely Wow!

My neighborourhood

[Glice]

Dear Pookie

There's a lady who every summer wanders around the neighbourhood topless. Should I massacre her?

Fondest regards,

Seth Cohen, my neighbourhood.

[fishmonkey]

This is an excellent thread. i vote we have a Dear Porkmarras thread next.

[Pookie]

Originally Posted by paula abdul

dear pookie:

who's better, billy ocean or rick astley?

paula abdul

Music's not a competition, Paula

Originally Posted by mark park

dear pookie,

someone tells me they love me but wont give me their address what should i do?

mark park, chorley.

Porkland Marras
12 Blueberry Pie Street
London
NW 32

Originally Posted by Keely Wow!

Dear Pookie,
Summer's nearly over and i wont be able to walk around my neighbourhood at my topless best.Do you know of any good place where my boobs can be shown at the right temperature?

Regards

Keely Wow!

My neighborourhood

The reptile house at London Zoo, where it's considered de rigeur.

Originally Posted by Seth Cohen

Dear Pookie

There's a lady who every summer wanders around the neighbourhood topless. Should I massacre her?

Fondest regards,

Seth Cohen, my neighbourhood.

No, send her to the reptile house at London Zoo.

[Pookie]

Originally Posted by fishmonkey

This is an excellent thread. i vote we have a Dear Porkmarras thread next.

Well I'm going home now, so direct any other queries to porky.

[Everyneurotic]

dear pookie,

are all men pigs? all my girlfriends tell me that.

rosemary abercrombie
devon

[Pookie]

Originally Posted by Everyneurotic

dear pookie,

are all men pigs? all my girlfriends tell me that.

rosemary abercrombie
devon

Pookie has left the building, please post all queries in 'Ask porkmarras' thread.

[Everyneurotic]

sorry

[jon boy]

dear pookie,

which is the one true faith?

desmond tutu, africa.

[Gulasch Noir]

Originally Posted by Gulasch Noir

Dir Pookie, i have a preference for that kind of fellatio pictures, where the fellatricis nose is held by the guy. Is this yet normal?

Gulasch Noir
Vienna

now in inglisch:
Dear Pookie, i have a preference for that kind of fellatio (blow job) pictures, where the fellatricis (woman's) nose is held by the guy (who receives the blow job). Is this yet normal?

-- Or did you just want me to translate fellatrix (fellatricis is genitive) with woman?

Gu Noir
Vienna

[sonicl]

Dear Pookie,

I have been offered the opportunity to take part in a three in a bed session with any two members of Girls Aloud that I choose. Should I accept, and, if I do, which two should I have along for the ride?

Pop fan,
Exmoor

[Tokolosh]

Dear Pookie,

When will you be releasing your new mix tape, and what can we expect?
I hope you answer quicker than the band.

[Pookie]

Originally Posted by Pop fan

Dear Pookie,

I have been offered the opportunity to take part in a three in a bed session with any two members of Girls Aloud that I choose. Should I accept, and, if I do, which two should I have along for the ride?

Pop fan,
Exmoor

I think you should accept the offer of a three in a bed session with Sarah and Nicola, and you should have Kimberley and Nadine along for the ride. (Sorry Cheryl).

Originally Posted by Tokolosh

Dear Pookie,

When will you be releasing your new mix tape, and what can we expect?
I hope you answer quicker than the band.

Soon. And you can expect good packaging and fast delivery.

[Tokolosh]

Hmmm, 17 minutes. Now, that's what I call quick response.

[porkmarras]

Dear Pookie,
I have an attitude problem and i feel like slapping random people on the face outside shapping centres on a saturday afternoon.Is there anything that i can do to control myself?

Monnie Blast

Croydon