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Old 05.17.2009, 08:45 AM   #1
summer
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summer cold hard suckasummer cold hard suckasummer cold hard suckasummer cold hard suckasummer cold hard suckasummer cold hard suckasummer cold hard suckasummer cold hard suckasummer cold hard suckasummer cold hard suckasummer cold hard sucka
Seriously this is a real headline on AOL News or something.

Winston-Salem authorities say 17-year-old John Szwalla held the banana under his shirt when he entered the store Thursday, saying he had a gun and demanded money.

Owner Bobby Ray Mabe says he and a customer jumped Szwalla, holding him until deputies arrived. While they waited, Mabe says the teen ate the banana.

Mabe says deputies took pictures of the banana peel. Forsyth County Sheriff's office spokesman Maj. Brad Stanley says deputies joked about charging Szwalla with destroying evidence.

Szwalla faces a charge of attempted armed robbery. Jail officials say he doesn't have an attorney.
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Old 05.17.2009, 08:46 AM   #2
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haha
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Old 05.17.2009, 11:42 AM   #3
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That's nothing. Once I read about a guy who broke into a store at night, and tried to break the safe for six hours, and then finally gave up. Since they police had it on video, they knew the guy and wanted to arrest him, but the manager didn't press charges and hired the guy based on his work ethic.

I'll try and find the link.

~Jeremy~
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Old 05.17.2009, 12:43 PM   #4
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joe11121 kicks all y'all's assesjoe11121 kicks all y'all's assesjoe11121 kicks all y'all's assesjoe11121 kicks all y'all's assesjoe11121 kicks all y'all's assesjoe11121 kicks all y'all's assesjoe11121 kicks all y'all's assesjoe11121 kicks all y'all's assesjoe11121 kicks all y'all's assesjoe11121 kicks all y'all's assesjoe11121 kicks all y'all's asses
haha wow, to both stories.
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Old 05.17.2009, 01:01 PM   #5
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aol news is a fucking joke!!
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Old 05.17.2009, 02:58 PM   #6
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!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses
he fucking cribbed his schtick from woody allen movies

take the money and run + bananas = this
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Old 05.17.2009, 03:03 PM   #7
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people are stupid.
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Old 05.17.2009, 03:19 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Better_Than_You
aol is a fucking joke!!
fixed for great truth
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Old 05.17.2009, 06:22 PM   #9
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haha
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Old 05.17.2009, 06:32 PM   #10
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I'd feel so violated if the cops tried to photograph my banana.

I'm not sure I'd be able to eat it though. that kid must be pretty flexible.
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Old 05.17.2009, 11:53 PM   #11
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my mom sent me these a few years back as part of the biggest idiots of 06 list

A pair of
Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him


A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this. "Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.



A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that the got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later
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Old 05.18.2009, 06:11 AM   #12
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John Dillinger comes to mind.
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Old 05.18.2009, 10:08 AM   #13
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100% true story from my hometown, involving a guy I know (but no bananas, as far I know):

This guy and his girlfriend went on a little burglary spree, breaking into condos near one of our ski areas. At one of the break-ins, they stole a nice video camera. Well, Ricky in his infinite wisdom, decided it would be fun to have his gf tape him kicking in doors and being Mr. Badass Burglar Dude. Everything was fine until about a week later when Ricky got drunk and beat the crap out of her. Naturally, as soon as the cops arrived and took him into custody and she was out of harm's way, she turned over the tape.

There are a lot of lessons to be learned from that story if you're a budding criminal.
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Old 05.18.2009, 10:12 AM   #14
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I saw a vid of a guy trying to break a liquor store window with a cement block. The window was plexiglass, so the block bounced back and knocked him out.
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Old 05.18.2009, 04:26 PM   #15
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ploesj kicks all y'all's assesploesj kicks all y'all's assesploesj kicks all y'all's assesploesj kicks all y'all's assesploesj kicks all y'all's assesploesj kicks all y'all's assesploesj kicks all y'all's assesploesj kicks all y'all's assesploesj kicks all y'all's assesploesj kicks all y'all's assesploesj kicks all y'all's asses
i like fugazifan's stories.
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