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Old 09.05.2018, 10:59 PM   #5241
tw2113
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Quote:
Originally Posted by !@#$%!
oh right kinda like kieszlowski’s 10 commandments

i thought the coders in the coffee shop could get into some shenanigans trying to get rid of the patrons. maybe even become serial killers lololol.

a small note on style, i’d get rid of all the exclaims and quippeds. trust me on that—it’s either “said” or nothing at all if it’s evident who is speaking. try it and see how it works. also when possible nuke the adverbs.




So take "Dead Poet's Society" literally in certain spots:


Quote:
"So avoid using the word 'very' because it’s lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don't use very sad, use morose. Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women - and, in that endeavor, laziness will not do. It also won't do in your essays."
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Old 09.06.2018, 06:22 AM   #5242
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ha ha i didnt think you were being lazy but it is a bit like that, choosing the more potent words.

poetry is different in that poetry is about words themselves.

but in fiction it’s more like you want the effect in the mind of the reader to take precedence over words.you want your reader to get into the story not look from outside.

in the case of dialogue, it’s more important for the reader to hear the characters talking than it is to hear the writer talking about the characters talking. the beauty of “said” is that it’s almost invisible, so it clarifies who said what without getting in the way. it’s what the characters say that is important.

as for the adverbs, aside from yes it’s better to choose the right verb instead of modifying it, again for me they get in the way of the mental picture, i think because they provide the data in 2 separate pieces so you have to take another look and correct or complete the image you constructed with the first piece. you want as much as possible to keep the flow of mental images unbroken so the reader can stay in the story.

tldr; the job of language is to get out of the way of the story, unless the story is about language itself, which it can be sometimes, like, say, in ulysses, which to me is a prose poem more than a novel.
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Old 09.06.2018, 06:32 AM   #5243
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^ tw2113, he ain't lying

I'd drop the exclamation points. Use maybe two in your entire life's output.

Promising stuff. I'd highly recommend joining a writer's group or possibly take a class or two to eliminate a few of the glaring amateur mistakes I spotted. (Not a slam. It happens. "Becoming a good writer" is, obviously, a process.)
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Old 09.06.2018, 08:48 AM   #5244
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I'm definitely not disregarding any of the advice, so I hope I don't sound dismissive.


That said, everything except the coffee shop satire/onion-style piece was written back in like 2011 or earlier, so definitely a lot of amateur mistakes made that would hopefully be evolved from since. Now to just start something new. /me kicks himself in the butt
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Old 09.06.2018, 11:01 AM   #5245
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tw2113
I hope I don't sound dismissive.


oh, i just added my explanation because it needed explaining. sometimes people do give arbitrary rules of writing. im not a hipster though and just wanted to clarify why i made those suggestions. style is functional.


Quote:
Originally Posted by tw2113
That said, everything except the coffee shop satire/onion-style piece was written back in like 2011 or earlier, so definitely a lot of amateur mistakes made that would hopefully be evolved from since. Now to just start something new. /me kicks himself in the butt

i found humor in every piece so i’d say get to work yeah
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Old 09.06.2018, 12:23 PM   #5246
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It's all good all around


Thanks everyone.
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Old 09.08.2018, 11:01 AM   #5247
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The Bonanza King - Gregory Couch. Excellent history of the Comstock Lode and John MacKaye, one of it successful miners, who later ran a transatlantic cable to compete with Jay Gould's monopoly.
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Old 09.08.2018, 06:52 PM   #5248
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Finally finished "Cyber Rights". It's a slow read which makes it long, but it covers a number of landmark cases and issues involving the constitution and the internet in the 1990s. Interesting read, despite the legal and technical details from the internet over 20 years ago.


I'll be finishing up "Let's Pretend This Never happened" by Jenny Lawson before diving in to Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince.
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Old 09.21.2018, 07:25 PM   #5249
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Jack Carr - The Terminal List. Good debut thriller
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Old 09.21.2018, 11:05 PM   #5250
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Looking back at my last post...I'm still working through Lawson's book, finished Half Blood Prince between Thursday and Sunday. Party on.
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