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Old 04.17.2019, 12:47 AM   #36981
The Gazpacho Gestapo
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The Gazpacho Gestapo kicks all y'all's assesThe Gazpacho Gestapo kicks all y'all's assesThe Gazpacho Gestapo kicks all y'all's assesThe Gazpacho Gestapo kicks all y'all's assesThe Gazpacho Gestapo kicks all y'all's assesThe Gazpacho Gestapo kicks all y'all's assesThe Gazpacho Gestapo kicks all y'all's assesThe Gazpacho Gestapo kicks all y'all's assesThe Gazpacho Gestapo kicks all y'all's assesThe Gazpacho Gestapo kicks all y'all's assesThe Gazpacho Gestapo kicks all y'all's asses

 


Guess which one is me
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Old 04.17.2019, 07:29 AM   #36982
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Gazpacho Gestapo
^ lol you look like Home Alone
Nope, was in a cafe
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Old 04.17.2019, 07:44 AM   #36983
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!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses
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Guess which one is me
the one with his hand up that poor animal’s ass
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Old 06.02.2019, 01:41 AM   #36984
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d.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's asses
 


This is the first time in my entire life that I caught myself in the mirror and actually liked what I saw. I felt cute and I saw something that might actually... look cute? I didn't know that was a thing that could happen. I can actually look into a mirror now. I don't mind people seeing me now. I felt like an actual person for the first time in my life. I cried good feelings. Then I cried a lot more because I realized exactly how bad my body dysphoria has been all my life. Up until this moment I was not able to look at mirrors or see my body when I looked down because all I saw was head to toe the ugliest most disgusting thing I ever saw. Every inch of my body, arms, shoulders, hands, especially the you know where. I couldn't stand being seen by other people. I realized the real reason I have been abstinent for 14 years wasn't because I was afraid of a relatioinship, but because I didn't want anyone to see my body.

Now being able to accept myself fully actually looks like it's on the horizon. I have my first consultation with my reassignment doctor on the 14th. I found out insurance might be able to cover the pre-surgical procedure which up until now I was told would be out of pocket and thousands of dollars, which is seemingly impossible. Insurance might even be able to pay for vocal chord surgery, one of my biggest points of dysphoria.

I might actually be able to feel like a real human being. I might actually be able to feel like I am living, and not stuck in a surreal nightmare. It sounds pretty good.
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Old 06.02.2019, 04:30 AM   #36985
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!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses
Quote:
Originally Posted by d.sound
 


This is the first time in my entire life that I caught myself in the mirror and actually liked what I saw. I felt cute and I saw something that might actually... look cute? I didn't know that was a thing that could happen. I can actually look into a mirror now. I don't mind people seeing me now. I felt like an actual person for the first time in my life. I cried good feelings. Then I cried a lot more because I realized exactly how bad my body dysphoria has been all my life. Up until this moment I was not able to look at mirrors or see my body when I looked down because all I saw was head to toe the ugliest most disgusting thing I ever saw. Every inch of my body, arms, shoulders, hands, especially the you know where. I couldn't stand being seen by other people. I realized the real reason I have been abstinent for 14 years wasn't because I was afraid of a relatioinship, but because I didn't want anyone to see my body.

Now being able to accept myself fully actually looks like it's on the horizon. I have my first consultation with my reassignment doctor on the 14th. I found out insurance might be able to cover the pre-surgical procedure which up until now I was told would be out of pocket and thousands of dollars, which is seemingly impossible. Insurance might even be able to pay for vocal chord surgery, one of my biggest points of dysphoria.

I might actually be able to feel like a real human being. I might actually be able to feel like I am living, and not stuck in a surreal nightmare. It sounds pretty good.
ah, damn, congrats for what sounds like an immense incomprehensible relief.

this was an extremely moving read. this plus your other post were some of the best stuff iíve read in this board in years.

thanks for all youíre sharing. itís tremendously illuminating.

must spread more real human being spread
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Old 06.02.2019, 07:59 AM   #36986
Antagon
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Antagon kicks all y'all's assesAntagon kicks all y'all's assesAntagon kicks all y'all's assesAntagon kicks all y'all's assesAntagon kicks all y'all's assesAntagon kicks all y'all's assesAntagon kicks all y'all's assesAntagon kicks all y'all's assesAntagon kicks all y'all's assesAntagon kicks all y'all's assesAntagon kicks all y'all's asses
Godspeed, d.sound. This does sound like an enormous emotional breakthrough, as well as a physical one of course. Wish you all the best with the path that lies ahead of you. And kudos for being so open and blunt. It takes a great amount of courage to allow yourself to show vulnerability in the public discourse. Thanks for sharing.
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Old 06.02.2019, 08:29 AM   #36987
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_tunic_ kicks all y'all's asses_tunic_ kicks all y'all's asses_tunic_ kicks all y'all's asses_tunic_ kicks all y'all's asses_tunic_ kicks all y'all's asses_tunic_ kicks all y'all's asses_tunic_ kicks all y'all's asses_tunic_ kicks all y'all's asses_tunic_ kicks all y'all's asses_tunic_ kicks all y'all's asses_tunic_ kicks all y'all's asses
I couldn't agree more to what the two above me said. I'm in the process of writing you a long long reply, with my story. I've been in a transition phase myself, but work related. I got very rudely offtracked. Which got me derailed for the last three years and in the end forced me last month to leave the company where I worked since 2001. And due to the separation agreement I signed I can't speak about it publicly. So I'll drop you a PM. Your two posts helped me a lot, about the decision which direction I want to take and I think I can help you by telling my story. And I want to assure you that you will have my full support.


I already told you about that Belgian news reporter, and it was very moving to see how happy and relieved she was when she held her first interview, just after transition. And how accepted she was by her family (wife and two kids), her colleagues and the audience. These interviews were on Dutch TV on the most watched daily talkshow, on the 7PM slot. There are some fragments on youtube, on which you can enable the auto translation. Translation still sucks, but at least you can understand what they are talking about if you read between the lines. Even if you don't understand anything, look at her expression:
1. introduction to first interview after transition: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIg7DoPpl8U
2. interview: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUIOZxITpdQ
3. interview one year later for book promotion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CECgafsR7A



In the description of this vids there are links to the complete interview, but probably it can not be watched abroad and there will be no auto-translation.

So expect a PM in a short or little longer while (I'm very bad with getting my thoughts on paper). If anyone (of the regulars) else wants to join, let me know.
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Old 06.02.2019, 11:35 AM   #36988
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d.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's asses
ah, thanks so much everyone! i am touched by your being touched! i feel encouraged. i feel ambitious for the first time in my life.
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Old 06.02.2019, 02:05 PM   #36989
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!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses
Quote:
Originally Posted by _tunic_
If anyone (of the regulars) else wants to join, let me know.
yeah i have been wondering about your story for a while, and you were hush-hush so i did not push it. but since you’re offering... i’d like to hear if you don’t mind.

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i feel ambitious for the first time in my life.

 
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Old 06.02.2019, 08:32 PM   #36990
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d.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's asses
Since I'm getting inquisitive about seeing myself in a picture, I took another one today.

 
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Old 06.08.2019, 01:42 AM   #36991
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guest kicks all y'all's assesguest kicks all y'all's assesguest kicks all y'all's assesguest kicks all y'all's assesguest kicks all y'all's assesguest kicks all y'all's assesguest kicks all y'all's assesguest kicks all y'all's assesguest kicks all y'all's assesguest kicks all y'all's assesguest kicks all y'all's asses
hey d.sound just checking in to offer my utmost congrats and happiness in you finding yourself. that you've made it to where you're at is a testament to your strength, and you should be so proud of that. I've had a number of friends who have transitioned and while it was arduous for them of course, seeing them reach this stage that you've reached is always such a beautiful, humbling thing. it's so difficult to comprehend how one can be made to go through life with this sense of corporeal detachment that you've been made to feel, especially when we attach so much of ourselves to the physical, so I'm sure that to finally be able to have some control over yourself must be one of the most beautiful sensations possible, for which I have so much respect.


it's really beautiful to see that on a board that's devolved into a bit of a cesspit of late that moments of real light can continue to come through, and of course all the best for the future!
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Old 06.08.2019, 05:51 AM   #36992
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!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses!@#$%! kicks all y'all's asses
Quote:
Originally Posted by guest
hey d.sound just checking in to offer my utmost congrats and happiness in you finding yourself. that you've made it to where you're at is a testament to your strength, and you should be so proud of that. I've had a number of friends who have transitioned and while it was arduous for them of course, seeing them reach this stage that you've reached is always such a beautiful, humbling thing. it's so difficult to comprehend how one can be made to go through life with this sense of corporeal detachment that you've been made to feel, especially when we attach so much of ourselves to the physical, so I'm sure that to finally be able to have some control over yourself must be one of the most beautiful sensations possible, for which I have so much respect.


it's really beautiful to see that on a board that's devolved into a bit of a cesspit of late that moments of real light can continue to come through, and of course all the best for the future!

this part of the board has ALWAYS been a giant cesspit... ,

but very well said. yeah...
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Old 06.08.2019, 12:49 PM   #36993
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d.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's asses
Thanks again. It's very weird seeing myself. I also evaluated my naked body for the first time. You mentioned the corporeal. Nail on the head. I felt like a disembodied, floating head having never looked at my body before.

I'm sure gender dysphoria has to seem as perplexing as i did with other people who were ok or liked their bodies. There is no way of knowing exactly what it feels like unless you experience it.
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Old 06.08.2019, 03:22 PM   #36994
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Genteel Death kicks all y'all's assesGenteel Death kicks all y'all's assesGenteel Death kicks all y'all's assesGenteel Death kicks all y'all's assesGenteel Death kicks all y'all's assesGenteel Death kicks all y'all's assesGenteel Death kicks all y'all's assesGenteel Death kicks all y'all's assesGenteel Death kicks all y'all's assesGenteel Death kicks all y'all's assesGenteel Death kicks all y'all's asses
Quote:
Originally Posted by d.sound
 


This is the first time in my entire life that I caught myself in the mirror and actually liked what I saw. I felt cute and I saw something that might actually... look cute? I didn't know that was a thing that could happen. I can actually look into a mirror now. I don't mind people seeing me now. I felt like an actual person for the first time in my life. I cried good feelings. Then I cried a lot more because I realized exactly how bad my body dysphoria has been all my life. Up until this moment I was not able to look at mirrors or see my body when I looked down because all I saw was head to toe the ugliest most disgusting thing I ever saw. Every inch of my body, arms, shoulders, hands, especially the you know where. I couldn't stand being seen by other people. I realized the real reason I have been abstinent for 14 years wasn't because I was afraid of a relatioinship, but because I didn't want anyone to see my body.

Now being able to accept myself fully actually looks like it's on the horizon. I have my first consultation with my reassignment doctor on the 14th. I found out insurance might be able to cover the pre-surgical procedure which up until now I was told would be out of pocket and thousands of dollars, which is seemingly impossible. Insurance might even be able to pay for vocal chord surgery, one of my biggest points of dysphoria.

I might actually be able to feel like a real human being. I might actually be able to feel like I am living, and not stuck in a surreal nightmare. It sounds pretty good.

Thank you so much for introducing yourself. I feel like I've missed out on some great people suddenly appearing on this forum. You definitely are one of them.
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Old 06.08.2019, 03:23 PM   #36995
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Genteel Death kicks all y'all's assesGenteel Death kicks all y'all's assesGenteel Death kicks all y'all's assesGenteel Death kicks all y'all's assesGenteel Death kicks all y'all's assesGenteel Death kicks all y'all's assesGenteel Death kicks all y'all's assesGenteel Death kicks all y'all's assesGenteel Death kicks all y'all's assesGenteel Death kicks all y'all's assesGenteel Death kicks all y'all's asses
Oh and you look fantastic!
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Old 06.08.2019, 06:01 PM   #36996
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d.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's asses
I actually first joined the board in 99 or 2000! I was just absent for a while.
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Old 06.10.2019, 12:31 AM   #36997
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d.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's assesd.sound kicks all y'all's asses
I hope I don't start spamming this thread. I like the way my face looks here.

 
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Old 06.10.2019, 12:59 AM   #36998
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Quote:
Originally Posted by d.sound
Thanks again. It's very weird seeing myself. I also evaluated my naked body for the first time. You mentioned the corporeal. Nail on the head. I felt like a disembodied, floating head having never looked at my body before.

I'm sure gender dysphoria has to seem as perplexing as i did with other people who were ok or liked their bodies. There is no way of knowing exactly what it feels like unless you experience it.
exactly, I mean everyone must surely experience a sense of dysphoria within some dimension of their life, but having it of the body would just be totally incomparable in that we ascribe so much weight to the body whether individually or socially, so to have that as an element of yourself that you can't even begin to resonate with (much less not be repulsed by) is such a burden to go through life with, probably beyond most else, and I think it's therein for me that the strength of people like yourself comes through because it's a difficulty that most people don't have the capacity to even begin to understand much less (sadly a lot of the time) even show a basic respect for.


^^ those lil digihearts are truly adorable.
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Old 06.10.2019, 08:32 AM   #36999
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Quote:
Originally Posted by d.sound
.

Live your best life!

You have more courage than most.
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Old 07.13.2019, 10:43 PM   #37000
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