House of Beeswax

static-harmony · 10.18.2006, 09:04 AM

Disquiet dreams scattered throughout the house of beeswax,
Slanted light enters the room in distorted visions,
Her body lains on the bed made of crystal coal,
Dust settles on her lips,
Her piercing yellow eyes are gone,
Only piercing brown eyes,
The moon is set inside a metal box longing for freedom,
And the sun laughing at all the absurdity,
And the sounds drop like heavy objects to the soft ground,
The house of beeswax trembles in fear of death,
Her body melts under the whispering sunbeams,
Becoming only a puddle of shattered stars,
A needle absorbs the dreams of fallen angels through the injection of the moon,
Static eyes are talking love backwards,
Hairs stain the insides of the sun,
The house rumbles to the ground when the explosion of light happens,
All is not alright now, total pitch blackness.

(what do you guys think?)

Danny Himself · 10.18.2006, 09:36 AM

I feel like this deserves a reply. I do not know what to say, though.

I thought it was pretty... poem-y. If you know what I mean. Nothing was surprising.

HaydenAsche · 10.18.2006, 09:37 AM

Boring.

Danny Himself · 10.18.2006, 09:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HaydenAsche

Boring.

To reiterate, yeah.

static-harmony · 10.18.2006, 09:46 AM

Yeah I could see it being boring, it is hard to think something very early on.

HaydenAsche · 10.18.2006, 09:47 AM

I hate poetry, though. So, don't mind me.

static-harmony · 10.18.2006, 11:27 AM

its okay hayden, what kind of writer would I be if I couldn't take some criticism. Yeah I do see a lot of cliches on the poem.

10.18.2006, 09:04 AM	#1
static-harmony invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: outside L.A Posts: 5,156	Disquiet dreams scattered throughout the house of beeswax, Slanted light enters the room in distorted visions, Her body lains on the bed made of crystal coal, Dust settles on her lips, Her piercing yellow eyes are gone, Only piercing brown eyes, The moon is set inside a metal box longing for freedom, And the sun laughing at all the absurdity, And the sounds drop like heavy objects to the soft ground, The house of beeswax trembles in fear of death, Her body melts under the whispering sunbeams, Becoming only a puddle of shattered stars, A needle absorbs the dreams of fallen angels through the injection of the moon, Static eyes are talking love backwards, Hairs stain the insides of the sun, The house rumbles to the ground when the explosion of light happens, All is not alright now, total pitch blackness. (what do you guys think?) __________________
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10.18.2006, 09:36 AM	#2
Danny Himself invito al cielo Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 9,623	I feel like this deserves a reply. I do not know what to say, though. I thought it was pretty... poem-y. If you know what I mean. Nothing was surprising.
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10.18.2006, 09:37 AM	#3
HaydenAsche invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 10,755	Boring. __________________ rip
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10.18.2006, 09:46 AM	#5
static-harmony invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: outside L.A Posts: 5,156	Yeah I could see it being boring, it is hard to think something very early on. __________________
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10.18.2006, 09:47 AM	#6
HaydenAsche invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 10,755	I hate poetry, though. So, don't mind me. __________________ rip
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10.18.2006, 11:27 AM	#7
static-harmony invito al cielo Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: outside L.A Posts: 5,156	its okay hayden, what kind of writer would I be if I couldn't take some criticism. Yeah I do see a lot of cliches on the poem. __________________
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