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the sooner i die the better. my only good friend died years ago, the rest will be dead soon enough. pretty much everyone else i have nothing to say to.
cooley went at 28. haydens having his meltdown because he's getting smacked in the face by american capitalist realism. they work far longer hours than us and have no health benefits and the dole is worse. he got punched for complaining about it which is tantamount to reminding people of their own pain and allowing them the sensation of power over it they get from beating someone else down. also it seems he's the victim of in group dynamics now that his parents got their financial shit in order. we know from science that exclusion due to being the out group target of an ingroup leads to addiction and serious issues. so hayden be careful, i noticed that your mother was talking with your boyfriend. this could end up with them forming an alliance and them all moving on at your expense. you're gonna be the "bad one" that cant get his shit together and they'll single you out then you'll start getting all the flak with all these subtle mental jujitsu moves that hold out the hope they will help you but are really about punishing you and making you fail. its an attack on your sense of self and reality. at least this is how it seems from what YOU say so who knows.
the only sane response is to get your head down and get DARK. get a cash stash that only YOU know about and start being very careful. all this emotional vulnerability and pain will turn to hardened scar tissue over time. just expect more punches and prepare. understand that you are being set up to fail. your body is a rapidly obsolescing commodity and the summer of its hedonistic use value is drawing to a permanent close.
all this narcissistic diary stuff is about romanticising yourself, but noone cares. you are probably nutritionally depleted from all those drugs and need to think rationally about what you consume rather than hedonistically.
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