[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by Nefeli

went on the real dark side about painting awhile ago.
but then i said once again fuck this dark hole, i wont give up (yet?).
i only hope the reason i m not giving up, is not because i ll lose myself and my meaning of life, which at the time being its not liberating it is just shitty scary.

don't confuse performance with love. if you love painting that is all you need. seriously. doesn't need to be "successful" or "famous" or even "good". love is love and that is all it needs. everything beyond that is accessory. some great painters were never recognized in their lifetime. some successful painters were never good. it doesn't really matter.

let me draw a parallel for a moment: i fucking love cooking. sometimes i make delicious things and sometimes the result is inedible turds. when i make something good sometimes people say "oooh you should be a chef" or "you should open a restaurant" and i think, "fuck off, why turn deligth into a job?" or "so because i love fucking i should be a manwhore?". on the other hand, if i fuck up and ruin a meal, i don't give a fuck, i still love cooking, and i am kind to myself. and sure, i try not to make turds and get better, but that is besides love. love is love. it is complete. it is not punishments and rewards, i.e., it is not attached to performance.

okay! enjoy yourself. personally, i look forward to seeing more paintings you make, but please don't let that be a reward or punishment attached to anything.

ha, i don't know if i make sense, but i think i do.