Found out today that my father has passed away.
He had been battling lung cancer for over a year now (at least, he might've had it longer without knowing). For a time it looked like his treatment was working somewhat, but earlier this year, his body suffered a relapse. All the while, the whole Covid-shit was going on. He managed to remain unaffected, fortunately and managed to be vaccinated. The other big C however, made a full return. And he had to make a decision recently: Either undergo chemo-therapy again or be treated with meds. The latter option had no realistic chance of success. So, even though it had taken a toll on him the last time, he decided to do chemo again. Last time I talked with him on the phone, I told him I'm proud of him that he went for that option and is willing to fight. I truly was. Little did I know it would be the last time I ever talked to him. Glad I got the p-word out in some way.
We didn't always completely see eye to eye, but over the last few years I've come to appreciate him more and more. He had, whether I had realized it then or not, informed my world-view in a substantial way. He was the opinionated leftie in a deeply conservative environment. He dared to question things. And through talks with my older sister, it seems like it was in no small part due to him that we weren't constantly exposed to the casually racist and sexist musings of members in the extended family during our formative years. I mean, we were at times, but from what I gather, it could've been a lot more frequent if he hadn't intervened in some way.
And just as both my sister and I were at certain points of our lives (I'd still be if it weren't for Covid), he used to spin at bars - way back in the 70s. I recently saw a picture of a compilation some of his peers had made for a reunion of his then-village-of-residence's disco denizens. So stuff he usually played. I realized that "Wipe Out" by The Surfaris was on there. I used to play that song during my early Goth-themed evenings to emphasize that I do not take myself too seriously and that this was no space for stuckup gatekeepers (also it's a fun song, what can I say?). We never actually talked about that and I had no clue it was one of his staples.
We never talked that much, but over the years I got the feeling that we had a lot more in common than initially expected. He has certainly inspired me in ways I'm only beginning to grasp. But now he's gone. A month before I was due to finally see him again. Shit. Cancer is a fucking asshole.
