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NO I am not. I don't know why. I ponder this alot. 10 years ago I had dreams. Today I still have some of them, but time has torn the edges a bit. 10 years ago I did not know I was going to be a mommy. 10 years ago I sold lampshades to rich women and helped Ryan mow yards on my days off. we were going to build a strong business that would last. Since then that dream was smashed and not by us. So my next dream Interior Design. I was still working on my degree and had visions of becoming a great designer and creating beautiful places and art for ppl to enjoy. I dreamed about singing. 10 years ago I dreamt of being skinny. It is the only dream I ever fullfilled. I'm a bit jaded now. Everything is an Illusion. 10 years ago what I thought was so opposite of what I think today. I was once a positive person. But now I can see that nothing will really ever make me happy. I used to dream of having a nice house with a great garden and being featured in Southern Living for my "perfect" home. HA!!!! I was way off mark with that one BTW not a dream anymore I threw that one in the trash. Fuck them.
Now I feel like I am reverting back to when I was 16. I don't want to live in everyone else's reality. epecially the ppl here. Dumb fucks but love em. I do not want alot of money or a big house or perfection anymore. Right now I am just dreaming of a genuine smile.
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