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(Courtney Love enters the stage)
Courtney Love: Okay, I'm here to give out the first annual Mahatma Gandhi Award. This award is given to an individual who has dedicated her life to spiritual pursuits... y'know, like, without giving out her essential femininin - femininity... and, some kind of ononistic show of stoisism. What. YOU SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SH... SH... Okay. This year's Gandhi Award goes out to Madonna.
(Madonna walks onto the stage for her award and is kissed by Courtney Love)
Madonna: Um... thank you. If nothing else, Mahatma Gandhi was a man... who knew the importance of being spiritual. The incredible spiritual journey I have taken over the last ten weeks, I owe entirely to my teachings of the Kaballa. The Kaballa is a form of ancient Jewish mysticism that I learned in a night class in L.A. We are all rays of light, eminating from deity.
(Courtney Love re-enters)
Courtney Love: Remember, Madonna, like, eight years ago, when you were, like, totally into the Virgin Mary... whatever happened to that? That's weird.
Madonna: The desire to be known and to create comes from deity, and what is so terribly tragic...
Courtney Love: Wait, where is - w... why are you talking like that? Are you, like, from England or something? Are you from the London of England? Don't forget, you're from Detroit, Madonna Louise Ciconne! Detroit!
Madonna: Is that one of the tenants of Buddhism, Courtney, making fun of the way people talk?
Courtney Love: Okay, first of all, I just have to say, the Kaballa is scoffed up from mainstream Judaism. The second of all, Michael Stipe thinks it's jackass.
Madonna: Courtney, Courtney. The goal of Buddhism is to attain Nirvana, not break it up.
Courtney Love: You SHUT UP! Shut up, you dyke! You shut up! (throws award out to the audience in anger)
Andy Dick: (makes gay noises) Okay, we got to go to a commercial. But stick around, 'cause when we come back, we got performances by - (starts shaking his hands in a gay manner) Natalie Merchant and the Devil.
(fade)
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