You know, I manage to help improve the lives of like everyone around me but I can't seem to improve my own situation. Indeed its always seeming to go backwards, uphill, and in a smoldering wreck at that! I'm like Midas, everything I touch turns to gold, but I can't have the benefit of any of it. And hey, you'd think I'd find some philosophical solace in being able to help so many people overcome their own problems, difficulties, and bad situations, but somehow it always feels like a hollow victory when I sit and look in the mirror...
is what it is. gonna get shitfaced drunk tonight, fighting off the dreadful urge do use substances much worse than that..
on the positive note my sister is likely getting into grad school and thanks to great advice !@#$%! helped me with before I am helping her find grad assistantships.. however in my own grad department, there are none, and the university in its infinite wisdom decided I am not a worthy candidate of scholarship of any kind while the banks also decided I am not worthy of a sizable loan to cushion the blow and Uncle Sam FAFSA said nope too..
and this year the district decided not to offer me a contract so I am not teaching next year either
