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Originally Posted by Severian

But in general, cake is pretty gross.

anybody who says this is really saying “the cooks in my family are all incompetent”

i had a great aunt who made cakes for a living. o man. she’d have us kids come in to scrape the pots of creme patissiere, and eat the ends of the cakes she sold. and she’d make us THE BEST birthday cakes.

here in the USA people use garbage like reddi whip and cakes from a box. and buy sheet cake from supermarkets for celebrations. disgusting! poor people. so deprived of goodness. so many twinkies. so sad.

Originally Posted by Severian

I’ve had some really excellent cake, but it’s either been homemade or, [tldr: professional]

well, is there any other kind worth having, mr. duncan hines? sheesh...

Originally Posted by Severian

. Pie, on the other hand... man. You can get a pie from bumfuck nowhere and it can still be ballin.

it still has to be homemade to be great. a great pie starts with a great crust. the store bought shit is shit.

i live in rural america and most pie here is utter utter ass. disgusting greasy crust, oversweet bland filling. just an industrial bucket filled with industrial product. fuck that nonsense. i want my money back.

now i’ve had great great pies from roadside stands with nearby farms in places like delaware or rural maryland. hell the fuck yeah. those people know their pies. walmart however doesn’t.

Originally Posted by Severian

Not all pie, surely. Key Lime requires a deft hand. But apple pie and cherry pie are both extremely hard to fuck up.

the cherry pie filling that comes out of a can is fucking VILE

the booger-style apple filling from supermarket pie is DISGUSTING

frozen pie shells are edible but meh. those ready no-bake ones that people fill up with jello pudding and top with cool-whip are mega-disappoint. just sugar vehicles.

not everyone can make pie crust from scratch. the only crust worth having is that kind.

i had a girlfriend once upon a time who made THE BEST apple pie. it was really sublime. the apple was still crunchy never gooey. the sweetness was right. the lattice cover was crunchy and perfect. it was not too sweet and it was slightly salty. the spices were 100% correct.

like good cake, good pie requires good ingredients and a good hand. garbage in = garbage out.

Originally Posted by Severian

Also, I think cheesecake is more pie than cake. It’s really not a cake at all. I wonder why it’s not just “cheesepie” ... ‘course that sounds ridiculous now, but at the inception of the thing, I imagine cheesecake sounded just as dumb.

yeah, it’s really a custard, and the crust underneath is incidental, but it’s never a shortcrust either as i can recall, so not a pie-pie, unless a graham crust is valid? i dont know. i love cheese-pie though. also quiches. also the italian cheesecakes made with ricotta—those are cakier.

Originally Posted by Severian

Homemade Dutch apple pie is my thaaaang. I barely even fuck with holiday meals because for me, the main dish is the D-A-P. Oh lord.

i like that stuff with a slice of cheddar like they had in the 40s or something. i saw it on a movie once was WTF and then... revelation.

now let me just say that a torte is a species of cake. and a tart a variety of pie. so that opens up the whole field.

i really really really like a good tart. of course. from fruit to onion.

tortes though, with the ground nuts in the batter, dense and rich as fuck... so fantastic. there’s one made with walnuts... i don’t know the name of it. damn. damn damn damn. a good chocolate-walnut torte, with coffee, is hard to beat.

but overall i’ll take meat pies as candidates for the supreme pastry: all the goodness of everything at once.