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hate that I love you, because I’m with someone who is so good for me, and I love him too. But I can’t help but think about you sometimes, and I miss you so much, and I know we’d make a great couple and we’d be almost perfect for each other, but I don’t want to risk breaking up with him and then going through the same bullshit I went through with you 2 years ago, and have nothing left. It just pisses me off so much because you’ve changed so much since 2 years ago, and you’ve become such a wonderful person, and it’s so hard for me to not imagine my life with you. I know you understand and you want me to stay with my boyfriend, and I know that it hurts you when I talk about him or even when the topic of him comes up, because I know you love me too, but I have to talk about him with you, otherwise I feel like I’m cheating on him. I want to talk about him with you because it makes me think about him and about why I love him so much and why he’s so perfect for me. I can’t not love you, it’s impossible for me to not love you, because there are things about you that he doesn’t have, and there are things that I love about you that I don’t love about him, but the point is that I’m with him now, and I’ve been with him for over a year, and I love him so much and I want a life with him, and I’m certain about him, but I’m not certain about you. You change your mind a lot, and you make spontaneous decisions, and as much as I love that about you, I can’t spend my whole life on spur-of-the-moment choices. I know how much of a big deal it is for you to tell someone you love them, and I know it was a really big deal for you to tell me, but if you had realized you loved me sooner (because I always knew you did), I would never have gotten together with him. And I hate myself for thinking that.
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