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And, of course, I saw Trash Humpers, and it's not very good but still better than Mister Lonely, which is so boring.
ANYWAY
"Filmmaker Harmony Korine now lives in Nashville, but for a time he was Big Apple to the core. The director of Gummo and next month’s Trash Humpers tells New Yorkers—and their big feet—what he doesn’t miss about the city."
-Black Book Magazine
1. Crowded whorehouses. I don’t like when the line spills out into the street. In Jackson Heights, I saw a Puerto Rican man in a karate suit get run over by a taxicab while waiting in line. As he was being put in the ambulance, I heard him say, “After karate class, I always need to bust my nut off. This wasn’t supposed to happen to me. Not like this.” I heard he died shortly after.
2. Dishonest oyster bars. I went to an oyster bar in the summer of 1982 that served cat meat instead of real oysters. Somehow they made the cat meat look and taste nearly identical to the type of mediocre synthetic oysters that you can find growing in the tanks of Sheepshead Bay. I remember that the horseradish was a strange fluorescent orange color. I should have known something was wrong when they were only charging five cents an oyster and everyone eating looked like they had throat cancer.
3. The Nigerian rat salesmen of 14th Street. Those guys are relentless.
4. White supremacists disguised as stockbrokers.
5. Cheap hotels that charge by the minute to accommodate the growing American trend of premature ejaculators.
6. Elementary school boys with facial hair.
7. Shoe stores that carry only huge sizes for massive feet. I’m not sure why so many of these places are popping up now. Maybe it has to do with the increase in juvenile steroid use?
8. There’s a drugstore uptown, by a church, which has two full rows of douche bottles. On Sundays, the owner rents the place out for mock gay weddings, and once a month they throw an underground rave for pampered dykes. In the mornings, it always smells of tuna fish and lime juice.
9. The influx of Finnish hand-job parlors is a nuisance and an eyesore. It reminds me of Prohibition. We need to close down these places before they rot our collective moral fabric and corrupt our beautiful, wayward children.
10. There are way too many incarcerated people now. Death row is bursting at the seams. We need to set the prisoners free. We need to give each of them a healthy mule and a gift certificate to Starbucks. We need to legalize arson and turn toward communism.
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