[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by MellySingsDoom

!@#$%! - Thanks for the reply. Re. my last part - I had loads of practical advice from friends, family etc, but trying to speak to people about how terrible I felt would get sympathy, but no real understanding. This would lead me to feel more pissed off/hateful towards myself, and so the cycle would continue. Being listened to without any prejudice or "you're not really that unhappy, pull yerself together" attitude is something that I found very hard to get. That plus wild paranoia (yes, I am aware of the contradiction I'm making here, but bear with me) would lead me to dismiss anything people said to me - I didn't feel they were really listening to me, so why should I listen to them? It's a horrible self-repeating cycle, which I finally managed to break out of. Again, really being listened to (and validated as an emotional being) is the most important thing that's happened to me in my life, seriously.

oh yeah--people-- fuck them-- they don't know shit. for me talking to my family just was all about denial and bullshit. cos you know, parents don't want to admit they fucked up, friends are as ignorant as one is, family wants to gloss over shit... so fuck them.n they want to keep you sick out of convenience, ignorance, and sheer habit.

i got cured by a shrink. nobody else could. and i had to shop around-- some shrinks were assholes, some were religious fucks, some were clueless,one was a lecherous bitch, etc., but eventually i found a competent, smart, old, well-read shrink who, while a little wackadoodle himself, understood me well enough to show me the way back to sanity-- it was quite simple really once i found the way, and i'm forever grateful. yeah i had to keep trying but i really was sick and tired of being sick and tired, so... i keep pushing until i found the way.

btw what you discuss about just being listened to without being judged, that's mostly what people in support groups do. i'm not much of a group person so individual shrink sessions worked best for me, but i know people who've been helped by groups like that-- again i'd say is a matter of wanting to get better, shopping around, and making the effort. because there's help out there no doubt. but again it's not the ignorant civilian fucks (who just want to maintain good appearances) who will help-- it's the ones who can admit that things are fucked up and look at it with you that will really lend you a hand.