[lucyrulesok]

i have so much anxiety about giving to beggars.

in most instances i'm like 'this guy needs it more than me' and i know what it is like to be broke/hungry (tho not homeless). i mean really broke, not only no money but no means of getting any, no means of buying food. i used to spend my money on booze and go hungry (and i told myself i wasn't an alcoholic LOL).

i have a decent job now, no kids or responsibility so i do have spare cash usually (i'm not rich, just living a modest lifestyle). and i'm happy to give a few £££s to someone. i mean i know in a lot of cases it goes on booze or drugs but who am i to judge that? also, it's bloody patronising to assume you know better than someone else what they need just because they are broke. maybe they need to get in a shelter, maybe they need to pay some money to a dealer who will beat them up if not, maybe they really need to get high or they will be sick or die. yes people need food but that is a lot easier to get hold of than money sometimes. money has a lot of power.

BUT it also bugs me in some instances. like sometimes i really don't have any money, maybe i'm feeling selfish or i know payday is a way off. maybe i have bills to pay. it annoys me when someone gets arsey if you don't give them money.

i also hate when someone comes up and talks to you for ages and sells you some sob story in like some attempt to get money out of you. like just ask me straight up dude don't try to make out like you just wanted a chat and then the conversation magically turned to how you have no money and maybe i could help you out.

is that really lame of me? i get really skeezed out by ANYONE approaching me on the street. but then is it like, i'm just paying beggars to fuck off? i don't think i am. i have just been harrassed & assaulted by randoms on the street so many times. and i feel like people will take the piss out of your hospitality or kindness. i don't feel good shutting people down or telling them not to talk to me but i really REALLY hate when randoms talk to me. not just bums but ANYONE (and in my experience 99.99999999% of the time it is someone begging or hitting on me, or someone just plain whacked out and crazy which is also pretty scary).