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Well, this has been semi-productive.
I am stuck on this credentials as addiction/escapism mentality. For me, I absolutely need to get ready-enrolled in grad school and finish my master's at least, preferably my doctorate. I need those credentials because I want to work in academia and be a part of my chosen science.
I could do this in medical school too, but one of the two pretty much must happen or I suspect I won't be receiving any 40th birthday cards.
This was well in the back of my mind when I was working 60 hours a week for an accounting an marketing firm. The $$$ kept my existential angst at bay. But I no longer have that job. I no longer have anything. I'm temping at a University and working 24 hours doing bookkeeping for a non-profit.
Where will the money come from? I am now virtually destitute, yet I still don't qualify for government assistance. I suppose I could make use of my mental health issues and try for disability, but I don't have a lawyer anymore, and... Well, I'm guessing they'd take it away once they found out I was attending graduate school. Can't be disabled and smart, right? No.
I will not live an empty life for the sake of living. I need to take some steps toward rebuilding what I've destroyed by opting to be a hard working, self reliant *loser* in the years since grad school went *kaboom*
I want to know I'M not alone. Yes that sounds really needy, but I'm freaking out here, goddamnit.
Oi
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