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Ok ok ok... I'll do it.
Evollove: I'm in. How does $100 published submission sound? Of course, we'll have to re-evaluate after a few months... Draw up a 12-18 month employment contract, negotiate salary and benefits, and the whole shebang. But I'm wiling to start slow and see how things go.
Alright, I'm excited! Now.... what publication/media group did you say you were recruiting for again???
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