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"DOCTORS. Tired of licking stamps? Simply attach your stamps to the underside of your tongue stick before the patient says "Aah." Hey presto! Free saliva."
"MAKE your own inexpensive mints by leaving blobs of toothpaste to dry on a window sill. Use striped toothpaste to make humbugs."
" Urals, the n.
Vague and tenuous British film comedy euphemism for the testicles. See also the
Balkans."
" ham shank rhym. slang
for a Barclays
(qv)."
" WHILST perusing a magazine the other day, I noticed an advert for a dirty phoneline apparently featuring "You're Best Mates Mum". I wondered if any of your readers had spotted any less literate smut?
Pilates Jereboam"
" WHY IS it, whenever another terrorist atrocity occurs, people start saying that the world has gone crazy? Don't they realise that, according to Seal, we're never going to survive UNLESS we get a little crazy. Now THAT, Alanis Morrisette, is ironic. Send her my fiver. And my pencil.
Richard Hadfield"
" I WAS devastated when my doctor told me that I had just a week to live. Then I remembered that I am a mayfly, and a week was equivalent to a human being living for 500 years. So I cheered up immeasurably.
K Lampard, Stoke"