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Would anyone care to critique this? Be honest, most of you are pretty intelligent from what I gather so I'll tolerate constructive criticism from you guys...
anyways, this is a poem/song I'm working on, I say /song because it has chords but is mainly spoken rather than sung..
anyways
'follow the bug'
Always alone when your head starts to spin
breaking your back just to do it again
gather your thoughts-they crash like a bug
into the passenger window
A five minute walk is miles away
tried to talk but your tongue done went lame
A vacant scene, the character dies
But you know it's not over now...
So what do you do when your head starts to spin?
Lost in your world, exhausting your friends
Another quaint dream
We follow the bug
and you know that it's over
You're nobody's soldier
you know that it's over now...
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