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Thanks, fellow youtherinos. It's been a bizarre time as of late. What with Covid literally being in the January of its existence and people really losing their shit right now (and their hope).
Then I was so inundated with preparing for an important exam that is one of the most vital keys to me actually being able to get my Master's degree as soon as possible (ironic, considering I've been studying for far too long now). In the midst of my anxiety-inducing foraging for useful information within drawn-out literature that seemed to be lost in a tangent far too often, I find out my grandfather passed away.
And quick to plan as my family usually is, they pretty much established the date of the burial ceremony on the same day, only to revise it the next day - same date as the exam I was anxiously cramming for and put all of my hopes and energy into.
As much as I was torn about it - I had to decline the invitation - I mean, how can you even properly comfort each other in times such as these?
Grieving became a matter of compartmentalization and I was just overcome with this general shroud of dread that enveloped me. On top of that, I still have deadlines to take care of as I write this, but at least, they're somewhat manageable.
And I aced that fucking exam in spite of feeling like I made no headway for days on end and dealing with some physical factors along the way too. Now I'm somewhat out of the fray and a bit more relaxed, but I feel about a decade older. Maybe grief will meet me properly, one of these days.
For now, I'm glad I have my friends and people who care about me - something I got reassured of quite a bit today - even if seeing a lot of them is quite difficult right now and being able to hug them again (or, once every blue moon, without feeling remorse) is a long way from now. We gotta take it as it comes. Thanks for the kind words, it means a lot. And sorry for the wordiness. Just, you know, weight.
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