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When were you happiest? I think I'm the happiest I've ever been. I'm usually a cheerful sort of soul anyway, but the past four months have been especially good.
What is your greatest fear? I did have a phobia of the most very severe kin, but it has largely been banished so there isn't really anything to mention.
I'm genuinely fearful that Labour may win the nest election.
What is your earliest memory? There's an antiseptic ointment called Germoline, and I used to be really alergic to it. I remember applying some on a graze, seeing all these colours and fainting.
Which living person do you most admire, and why? Ian Hislop. He's just great, to be honest.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? A tendency to be a bit snobbish at times.
What is the trait you most deplore in others? Rudeness.
What was your most embarrassing moment?I once ordered red wine to accompany a roast vegetable salad. I know, I know. Frightful.
Aside from property, what is the most expensive thing you have ever bought? Probably this laptop.
What is your most treasured possession? An 1899 edition of Samuel Harden Church's fine book Oliver Cromwell; A History, limited edition (600 copies) hand-numbered edition. 1899 was the 300th anniversary of Cromwell's birth.
Where would you like to live? In the centre of Chester.
What would your super-power be? The ability to see the truth behind people's lies.
What makes you depressed? It's not something that affects me, but sometimes when my M.E. is especially bad for a lengthy period, I kind of get miserable for ten minutes.
What do you most dislike about your appearance? Unless I buy that expensive mdicated shampoo, I get quite bad dandruff at times.
Who would play you in a film of your life? I'd like it to be Tim Roth.
What is your most unappealing habit? I'd have to ask someone.
What is your fantasy costume of choice? Some kind of 17th century outfit.
What is your guiltiest pleasure? Sting.
What do you owe your parents? Not really sure about that.
To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why?No-one
What does love feel like? Enriching.
Have you ever said ‘I Love You’ and not meant it? No.
Which living person do you most despise, and why? I don't despise anyone, but the person who's acts I most despise is probably David Blunkett, although Tony Blair is about level.
Who would you invite to a dream dinner party? Ian Hislop.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse? Splendid.
What is the worst job you’ve ever done? Security/shelf stacking type thing briefly when I was 16.
If you could edit your past, what would you change? I can't help feeling that everything in my past has led me to where I am now, which I absolutely would not want to change. So I think I'd be too wary of messing up to change anything.
If you could go back in time where would you go? Either to meet Jesus and his gang (esp. Luke and Mary Magdalene) or to the 17th century to see Oliver Cromwell.
How do you relax? Read.
How often do you have sex? Often enough, don't worry about it.
What single thing would improve the quality of your life? Health.
What do you consider your greatest achievement? Don't know.
What keeps you awake at night? Insomnia.
How would you like to be remembered? As 'a decent enough chap'. 'A scholar and a gentleman' would be nice, but 'a decent enough chap' will do.
What is the most important lesson life has taught you? Piety is its own reward.
Where would you most like to be right now? Thurstaston.
Tell me a joke. The same one as always: A terrible flood is striking the nation, and after two days waters are reaching inland. At the priest's house, it's four foot deep, but an army rescue dinghy comes into view and offers to take the priest to safety. 'No' says the priest, 'God will save me, I will come to no harm'.
The next day the waters are ten foot deep and the priest has gone up to the top floor. From his bedroom window he sees the same army dinghy doing another search. 'Leave me be - God will not desert me', he reiterates.
Overnight, the flood intensifies and the priest is forced out of his bed and onto the roof of his house. Fortunately the army are doing their final patrol before things become too hazardous, and they beseech him to climb aboard. 'No, I say', quips the priest, 'My God will protect me, my faith is unshakeable'.
The waters rise and the priest drowns. Admitted into heaven, he approaches God, tears running down his cheeks. 'I trusted you, my Lord, all through the flood I kept my faith. Yet you let me die in the waters. Why did you not move to save me?'.
'You knobhead', says God, 'I sent three dinghys!'.
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