I don't speak about my issues easily, especially if they are very very big, and even if people offer help I don't accept it easily. These are my problems, stay away from them. And also I never like to speak in public, give presentations and such. And perhaps you have noticed, I usually only write short bits and then imagine that the reader can fill up the blanks. The thing that colleague said caused a nuclear implosion in my brain. A big huge mushroom cloud in my brain. Implosion, not explosion, I didn't say a word to her. She was going on holiday, everybody else in our project was working overtime. She hadn't worked overtime, not for one second, she was the only one. And this was not a one time situation, it had been going on for years and it went on for another 6 months. It only stopped after I shouted to the responsible manager who didn't give a fuck for 10 minutes. And since then I could only shout at managers. So they said I had an anger problem, yes yes yes, but goddamn if you don't want to listen ever ever, of course I have an anger problem. The bitch fucked me in the skull and all that they said was oh oh oh she is so smart. To understand this, imagine you are on a football field. I am a left back defender, she is a rightwing offender. She is a very very good offender, I am a very very good defender. I stay away from the offense, she shits all over the defense. And management does not see that because they are only looking at her offense qualities. And I had to clean up that shit and compensate the fact that she was useless while I was already working overtime.
And I had just had a two day course where the most important lesson that I learned was "treat you colleagues with respect". And these two people had followed that same training and told me I should go there too. I wanted to patiently explain why she had pissed me off so much, but I was not allowed to speak to her.
Here's another
song
I'm not crazy, you're the one that's crazy!
For as long as I worked for that company, they asked me to share my knowledge. From the moment that I wanted to share my knowledge and saw the necessity of it, they told me to not interfere. I tried to write down my knowledge but it's covered deeply under frustration that I cannot separate from another. 18 pages in a Word document, and I could go on and on. And now I signed an agreement that I not discuss this situation in public.
Final song for now. Fucking brilliant live band btw, if you ever get the chance, do not hesitate.