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Originally Posted by evollove
At least a year? Man, that's brutal.
How did you not turn into a total asshole? How did you not slip and call her "slut" at some angry, perhaps drunken point?
To have an irrational thought, to know it's irrational, to be bothered by it anyway...brains are stupid.
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Hah.
Are you joking? I don't think I've ever called anyone a slut. Not since junior high, talking about Mariah Carey or something. Never a term I've favored in person.
I didn't snap or turn into an asshole because I knew the problem was mine. She wanted to be with me, impossible to fault her for past perfectly human things. I just had a hang-up for a bit, is all, and that's because of my own bullshit.
Anyway, I probably did turn into something of an asshole just by being unable to completely hide the fact that it bothered me. She picked up on it, and she'd say something to make me feel better.... and then I'd realize I was being a shit by making her feel like she needed to waste her energy re-assuring me or whatever. Especially when I wasn't having to justify not being an adult virgin to her! Haha.
So, I guess I was a shit, if not the kind you're talking about, and the realization of that shittiness helped me chill the fuck out.
ALSO... not trying to get too touchy and personal here, but the early phases of a deeply emotional and also sexual relationship can be really awkward. When you're just head over heels for someone, but you're still, y'know, learning about each other. I think that takes about a year, to "learn" your partner.
And then, somewhere along the line.... Not to be indelicate, but... you start banging like fucking superheroes and making each other come with less and less effort, and it gets seamless and kind of beautiful and awesome.
Kinda hard to concern yourself with your partner's previous partners when you're having incredible sex with that person on a daily basis.
The real challenges come around year #3-5, where some of that magic is gone and real life sets in and you have to still make time for each other and make each other feel loved. THAT shit is hard. That's the real issue for me. I'm a workaholic, and an anxious mess, so keeping my shit together as a partner over the long term has been the greater challenge for me.