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Originally Posted by d.sound
This is the first time in my entire life that I caught myself in the mirror and actually liked what I saw. I felt cute and I saw something that might actually... look cute? I didn't know that was a thing that could happen. I can actually look into a mirror now. I don't mind people seeing me now. I felt like an actual person for the first time in my life. I cried good feelings. Then I cried a lot more because I realized exactly how bad my body dysphoria has been all my life. Up until this moment I was not able to look at mirrors or see my body when I looked down because all I saw was head to toe the ugliest most disgusting thing I ever saw. Every inch of my body, arms, shoulders, hands, especially the you know where. I couldn't stand being seen by other people. I realized the real reason I have been abstinent for 14 years wasn't because I was afraid of a relatioinship, but because I didn't want anyone to see my body.
Now being able to accept myself fully actually looks like it's on the horizon. I have my first consultation with my reassignment doctor on the 14th. I found out insurance might be able to cover the pre-surgical procedure which up until now I was told would be out of pocket and thousands of dollars, which is seemingly impossible. Insurance might even be able to pay for vocal chord surgery, one of my biggest points of dysphoria.
I might actually be able to feel like a real human being. I might actually be able to feel like I am living, and not stuck in a surreal nightmare. It sounds pretty good. |
Thank you so much for introducing yourself. I feel like I've missed out on some great people suddenly appearing on this forum. You definitely are one of them.