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I'm pretty sure I'm OCD because I have troubling violent and sexual thoughts enter my head that I can't seem to get out. Horrible, horrible things.
I'm nowhere near an anal retentive perfectionist, I'm pretty messy, but when I walk into a room some things really bother me. The table and chairs in my kitchen don't ever seem right. If there are things on the chairs or the chairs have been removed from the room for sweeping but not replaced I get very flustered. I hate the feeling of not having somewhere to sit down even if I don't intend to sit down.
The violent images in my head has made me nearly irrationally scared about some things. Guns, cars, knives, heights, sex, and maybe a few other things. The sheer possibility of something happening from a freak accident scares me. I used to handle knives and other shop objects with extreme care, and would have had a very hard time cleaning up broken glass. I've got over that.
There is hope for me though I think. I've gotten over some of these things on my own. I can handle knives now, and I can also face my fear of heights. But I still get panic attacks about other things. I think I need to go to behavioral therapy. My mother sees an analyst for free, but I don't believe that would do me any good.
Traumatic experiences also haunt me. I was robbed at gunpoint in a hotel once and take great care to think of every possible way it could happen again and how to prevent it when I am at hotels.
BTW to people seeing that I'm posting at 5 AM- I just woke up from a nightmare. I dreamt I was in the movie The Haunting (the original one.) It was different though. There was this telekinetic rat that ate a guy that looked like James Mason, then proceeded to smash me against a wall of the burning house. Or maybe it was a telekinetic women. A rat definitely ate the guy that looked like James Mason.
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