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[quote=ann ashtray]but lately I've been digging way into the back of my mind's vaults, plundering memories/events starting in '93 that are partially responsible for me being the person that I am today.
My mom had gotten custody of me that year. I was in pretty bad shape, but this isn't about that. It was fifth grade and that was when I started a certain love affair w/ music. One that still exists to this day.
Being a bit "angry", I started buying tapes by the likes of Metallica + White Zombie. They served their purpose, but something was still missing. I was fortunate enough to have this uber-cool uncle (who at the time was in his early 20's) who began letting me borrow CD's (at the time they were kinda what blu-ray is now, not everyone was getting 'em, yet) by artists w/ names like Nirvana + Soundgarden + Pearl Jam. PJ didn't do much for me. Soundgarden I totally dug, but more than ANYTHING I fell in absolute love w/ Nirvana. I vividly remember buying that "Beavis and Butthead Experience" CD just because of the "I hate myself + want to die" track. THAT was the first CD I ever bought, actually.
I was still a bit young, but there was something in the air that I felt as if I identified with. I wanted to be a part of it, + in a way I was because I was def. feeling the music...but, my age kept me out of shows and some of the other "excesses" my at the time idols were involving themselves in. I remember seeing the older kids, the 15-20 year olds. I thought the boys were pretty w/ their long hair and tattered clothing + I wanted to look like them so I could fuck their girlfriends (puberty had def. hit full force already). This wouldn't happen to a bit later...5 years later, actually, and by this time most "outsider" girls I'd see at school were looking more like Morgan from Kitty. Boring. Nothing lasts, which is a great thing.
I often wonder what happened to lots of those older kid's I'd see. Seems most I meet now that were heavy into that music then are just married home owners w/ kids that have little time for music, or either went in the same direction I eventually did...taking Kurt's advice and listening to Sonic Youth + the Butthole Surfers and getting into really weirdo/radical shit as a result.
But yeah, ya know...while I've def. moved on musically, sometimes It's such a breath of fresh air to sit back and listen to nothing but Nirvana, Hole, Tad, Mudhoney, Wipers, the Sex Pistols, Flipper, Gits, Ramones, Black Flag, etc for a week or several and just remember where the fuck it is I came from. that's where it all started. I can honestly say if it wasn't for me getting into that, esp. the Youth, I'd have little to no interest in listen to Mingus, MC5, Sun Ra, Noveller, Ghoul Detail, DNA, VU, Double Leopards, etc...
I'd probably just be some generic metal adult in a Kiss tee. Nothing wrong w/ that...
Or maybe I naturally have some sort of progressive mindset + it had/has nothing to do w/ the music at all. Maybe if I didn't have that cool uncle I'd have taken those Metallica + White Zombie tapes and ran wild w/ that until it lead to some of the more Black/doom/stoner metal I'm only just now starting to get heavy into. But even these bands sometimes just remind me of the 'Garden.
whatever. just a rant for rant's rant sake.
<3,
Nice post Anny!
Back to the topic. I was one of those kids Ann...I felt just like you I liked those same bands and felt the same way youdid. I was angry i loved everything from seattle. maybe cause its kinda secluded in the south i dont really know, but that music spoke to me in ways no other could. They knew how i felt somehow and nursed my wounds. they taught me how to be strong in the face of all of my adversaries and to say what I wanted to say. Now i am a mom. i followed the "rules" got a job had kids and shit, but i am not going to leave just that as my legacy before i die. i am still an angry dreamer with "a bunch of other dreams"
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