Sonic Youth Gossip - View Single Post - what if you could take drugs and not get addicted

ni'k · 02.19.2010, 07:47 PM

i don't want to make this another "im off drugs" thread... but i really went through SHIT trying to get completly clean. ive drank maybe 8 times since jan 09 (9 times too many), and only had one other drug on one occasion... but it was fucking hard getting from were i was to were i am now. i basically had to loose every friend i had, cos they were all drug buddies. it's sad watching them descend... we are all between the ages of 18-20something now, and when i see those guys i know thats it for them, they'll spend the rest of their lives in this shitty little town on drugs or alcoholics. but you can't let people like that drag you down, because they will, and they hate it if you show any sign of doing anything with yourself, they want you as mediocre as they are. it's not really an ethical failing on their part, its just their desire to do drugs with friends. i do feel bad for telling everyone to fuck off and just stopping speaking to them but i didn't know any other way.

but when i look back over the past almost a year of sobreity, i really did NOTHING at all. i mean if you take away getting sober i accomplished NOTHING this year, wrote very little, not really creative at all... altho as i type im thinking and i've probably done more than i give myself credit for.

but it's been absolute hell, even when you do get sober and start working to rebuild your life. it doesn't get better all of a sudden, it's still shit. you're still bored and depressed, you basically rot and stagnate, you're utter lazy with no energy, you spend most of your time angry with yourself trying to repress the urge to go party, you sit doing nothing watching tv you hate, listening to music you don't like... eating junk and basically just staying numb and quiet.

i still have some nostalgia for the days of old, when i would get 3 grams of coke, 2 bottles of kick, a bottle of vodka, beer, cider, a bag of homegrown superskunk, a 50gram of tobbacco and some sweets just to start off the night.

but there's also the times you wake up basically paralyzed with your face puffed up and retarded looking and can't move far enough to get out of the room and go phone an ambulance.

the thing i've learned is that you need to take a really strictly materialist approach to it - it is NOT some sort of moral failing. any of these preachy anti drugs cunts WOULD DO EXACTLY THE SAME if the release of dopamine in their brains depended on it. but when you are approaching it from your own perspective, you have to go through a lot of confusion and soul searching, there's nothing rational about it.

02.19.2010, 07:47 PM	#3
ni'k invito al cielo Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 3,360	i don't want to make this another "im off drugs" thread... but i really went through SHIT trying to get completly clean. ive drank maybe 8 times since jan 09 (9 times too many), and only had one other drug on one occasion... but it was fucking hard getting from were i was to were i am now. i basically had to loose every friend i had, cos they were all drug buddies. it's sad watching them descend... we are all between the ages of 18-20something now, and when i see those guys i know thats it for them, they'll spend the rest of their lives in this shitty little town on drugs or alcoholics. but you can't let people like that drag you down, because they will, and they hate it if you show any sign of doing anything with yourself, they want you as mediocre as they are. it's not really an ethical failing on their part, its just their desire to do drugs with friends. i do feel bad for telling everyone to fuck off and just stopping speaking to them but i didn't know any other way. but when i look back over the past almost a year of sobreity, i really did NOTHING at all. i mean if you take away getting sober i accomplished NOTHING this year, wrote very little, not really creative at all... altho as i type im thinking and i've probably done more than i give myself credit for. but it's been absolute hell, even when you do get sober and start working to rebuild your life. it doesn't get better all of a sudden, it's still shit. you're still bored and depressed, you basically rot and stagnate, you're utter lazy with no energy, you spend most of your time angry with yourself trying to repress the urge to go party, you sit doing nothing watching tv you hate, listening to music you don't like... eating junk and basically just staying numb and quiet. i still have some nostalgia for the days of old, when i would get 3 grams of coke, 2 bottles of kick, a bottle of vodka, beer, cider, a bag of homegrown superskunk, a 50gram of tobbacco and some sweets just to start off the night. but there's also the times you wake up basically paralyzed with your face puffed up and retarded looking and can't move far enough to get out of the room and go phone an ambulance. the thing i've learned is that you need to take a really strictly materialist approach to it - it is NOT some sort of moral failing. any of these preachy anti drugs cunts WOULD DO EXACTLY THE SAME if the release of dopamine in their brains depended on it. but when you are approaching it from your own perspective, you have to go through a lot of confusion and soul searching, there's nothing rational about it.
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