HOW IT ENDS!
I read that Bella bites Edward and turns into a sparkly unicorn, only without the horn, which makes her kind of like a My Little Pony on acid. Then she bites Jacob too, and he turns from a werewolf into a really blinged-out toy poodle with super-twinkly toenails, and they skip laughing over the rainbow-painted horizon together, leaving Edward to ...
See Moresulk in a picturesque but really, really deep way. Then the Cullen family reveal that they never actually were vampires; Carlyle is actually a bisexual hardcore Mormon polygamist who created the wimpire myth to cover his own nefarious activities. Eventually the FBI catch up with him and they all drink Kool-Aid.