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to me, sex is not about 'oh i've done this and this and i'm sooo kinky!' it's more about being completely at ease with someone else and being open to the other person about what you want and what you like. i can imagine getting into bandage and s&m can go very badly if you don't completely at ease with each other or don't communicate well enough.
i personally don't feel the need to use violence during sex at all, since it's so far away from my personality. i would just feel like i'm pretending to be someone else. fuck that.
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