[!@#$%!]

99% of the population is white, well-off, and has perfectly shiny huge teeth

there are no gay people in this planet-- except on tv comedies

nobody reads books

shitty cereal is great for you

more is always better

if your house is not absolutely spotless you will become a social outcast

calling 1-1800-praise-god and giving money will get you into "heaven"

everybody can be a millionaire if they just want to be, even if there's nobody left to do the cleaning, cooking and maintenance after everyone becomes a millionaire.

nobody smokes

the army is really great! be all you can be!

soda, in spite of all the corn syrup in it, can actually (how?) quench your thirst

it's ok if you can't afford it, you can buy it now and pay later!

approved, approved, approved, approved!

most people are deaf, which is why commercials need to be so loud

the new palm pre allows white people to control their private armies of chinese slaves

etc, etc