[atsonicpark]

Originally Posted by Derek

I wish people would ask me for my favourite records!

Haha, well, make music for 10 years -- sometimes spending a month on one song.. then, play a couple hundred shows with like 1 or 2 people telling you that was the best thing they've ever seen but the other 1000 or 2000 people being completely indifferent or yelling things about MINISTRY (?!) at you.. then, REALLY take about 6 months off of your life after you've done music for like 5 years and work hard as you can -- every single day -- sending cd's to people, making friends online, setting up shows, doing all kinds of stuff, with admittingly "difficult" music... trying to explain what your music is about, contextualizing about it in often pretentious-sounding ways, trying to explain things to the point where even YOU hate your own music because you're sick of talking about it, but at the end of the year you smile because of the hundreds of hours of work you have put into your music has paid off, you've officially made over $600 doing music and maybe next year if you work twice as hard you can actually make a profit from all the breaking equipment and shipping costs and such so you work even HARDER but the economy is worse or there's interest dwindling in your project either because the sound isn't exciting or people just don't like what you're doing or because you keep changing your sound or probably because the packaging isn't good enough... decide that money/profit/breaking even shouldn't even be something you think about, because I'd rather spend tons of money to get my music heard even if no one would ever want to buy it... so, you end up sending out your albums for free (only to be not reviewed and possibly never listened to because the packaging isn't cool enough -- and actually getting sent emails saying "UH WE DON'T REVIEW THIS, THE PACKAGING SUCKS." And better yet -- getting a review PUBLISHED with "cool music, too bad about the shitty packaging."!!!!!!!!!! Yes, for real)... but after working hard for a good 6 or 7 years, and working with plenty of great bands and great labels, you've worked so hard trying to make music that pleases yourself (even though you no longer know who you are -- and you certainly aren't sure about the music you want to make) and please others (meanwhile questioning why you're trying to please others; certainly, you're making difficult/challenging/"experimental" music that may not have any value whatsoever.. certainly, you've gotten emails from people saying it's inspired them or you've influenced them and you're happy about that and you want to keep doing that.. but another part of you wants to just say fuck all and release the msot self-indulgent avant garde garbage ever)... you get your albums released on a few decent labels run by decent people and make sure and tell them beforehand, "Look, my music.. I don't want to be pretentious or anything.. but it doesn't fit in established categories.. and it may not sell... so, just wanted you to know that" and they go, "No, we completely understand but we're a big label and we have a lot of interest in you and believe in what you're doing." So, they print up 250 copies of it and it takes 4 years to sell out and they probably get angry and never answer my emails again, but then every label SEES you put out records on THAT label so they ask you to put out stuff through them, probably without ever hearing you -- I'm talking big leagues here, people, big ol' labels asking ya, and of course you're going to get delusional, which may be embarassing, but who wouldn't? I mean, if suddenly you're told "yeah, you're going to be cast an extra in a Mel Gibson" film, the average person would shit in their panties, "OH MAWWWNNN! PEOPLE ARE TOTALLY GONNA SEE ME IN THIS FILM, IN THE BACKGROUND JACKING OFF INTO A TOILET FOR ABOUT 2 VISIBLE SECONDS -- ONLY ON THE WIDESCREEN EDITION, SORRY YOU PAN AND SCANNERS! -- AND WANNA CAST ME IN THEIR SHIT FILM!" So, why not in this case, when big (in indie rock terms) labels are knocking on your day? Suddenly, everything swells up. "Wow, I wasn't so sure myself, of the music I was making. I thought it was cool.. entertaining myself and all... and then some people like it.. and I've worked so hard.. I may have compromised here or there, but I never sold out maaan! I made the music I wanted to make, for the most part, made a couple people happy, and now FINALLY all that hard work and recognition is paying off! Big labels emailing me?! I've made a decent chunk of change selling cd's! I've played with some cool bands, met tons of cool people..." Let me stop there. That's what being in a band is all about. The fun of meeting people, finding other cool bands, just the love of making music. People hearing it is a bonus. If you're 18 years old or something, you don't see these things. But at 23 I definitely see these things now. It takes a long time to mature into a person who realizes that not every type of music, no matter how well-advertised or well-packaged, will ever be popular. So... then, your head inflates, you try not to have an ego but you can't help bringing it up to friends and family... and then suddenly, labels reject you; you get emails that simply say "uhhh... i don't think we can release this." Meanwhile, you know you've sent them the best stuff you've EVER done! Man, doing 20 splits in one year and having hundreds and hundreds of hours of music under your belt really helped you get to this point: You know you're doing something amazing. Why don't THEY see it? Suddenly, interest wanes. The economy gets shittier, you keep making music that appeals to no one and you've alienated any potential fans by trying to be "forward-thinking". You mainly get emails from people asking you how you got an album out on such a big label. Almost mockingly, perhaps? The biggest thing you have to worry about now is JEALOUSY. You will hear from a friend of a friend.. or even an internet friend of an internet friend.. that people were jealous and angry of your supposed "success". Unfortunately, having 6000 myspace friends doesn't make you successful. Unfortunately, releasing stuff through big labels, surprisingly, doesn't make you successful. You haven't realized yet that not all msuic can get popular! In fact, music the least bit experimental probably won't get popular. Guys have worked way harder than you -- Wolf Eyes did their shit a good decade before anyone cared.. by that point they had 400 releases and playing 500000 shows. How hard are you really willing to work? It's like anything in life... anyone can be successful if they really work at it... beg, steal, whore yourself like it's no tomorrow, if it's your dream.. but the music business is definitely the hardest place to be successful in.... you grow depressed, bitter, angry, questioning yourself.. you make a new musical project or two in the meantime because you are depressed, bitter, angry, questioning yourself... this project is way simpler and easier for everyone else to grasp. Suddenly, you have tons of interest because "hey you're that guy from [that one band] making music completely different -- and I get what you're doing with this other band!" So, people start loving your other project and you kinda just say fuck this project. But then eventually you spend a year on an album, a lot more high-profile people are emailing you saying that you influenced them, hell a rich-ass porn star might even email you... you have splits with some decent bands coming up... have you made it? No. Because the best thing that's happened all month isn't a cool video shoot, a jet-plane to NY to play with Sonic Youth, or girls wanting to fuck your nerdy ass... the coolest thing that happened is someone asking you their favorite albums. 10 years, of alienating everyone (including yourself) has paid off.

But trust me... it's worth it!