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Originally Posted by Cantankerous

my stance has always been that hopefully something good will come of all the bad shit, creatively anyway.

also i find it extremely difficult to admit (still i have never said anything to my own mother who i love dearly, or any other family member) to having a fairly serious problem with drug abuse. it's unfortunate but it's reality. and i have a difficult time dealing with reality.
which is one reason why i do not want to take anti depressants
also i've been to a psychiatrist and it is really not for me.

Well you could use therapy, it's almost like psychiatrist, but is just you doing all the talking. I know for experience. I started a thread like this a year or so ago. I don't know if you remember. Lily, seek help. You'll feel much better.

I've been there on the "therapy, psychiatrist won't help me for shit." No it really helped me a lot. Now I hardly get depressed or on the verge of a nervous break down.

We all go through some tough shit, but it really is up to us to do something about it. And admitting you have a problem is the first step.