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i've always been awkward, but i guess it's endearing to people. even when i try my hardest to not be liked, people like me. hmph. i guess in 8th grade, i wore all black every day (i wasn't "goth" though, i didn't do anything else even remotely similiar to goth, just wore all black) and hang out WITH the goths.. i'd occassionally do gay things like paint my nails (not black!) when i was in high school.. i dunno why.. i just thought it was cool to not be like everyone else.. i mean, i dyed my hair purple and pink and stuff.. i think lots of people do that.. i dunno.. i wasn't doing it for attention, i did it because i thought people would love me alone.. haha.. my naive brain.. all it did was make punk kids coem up and go, "Yo dude rancid" .. i used to have panic attacks around large groups of people.. as that died down, so did my wanting to be so different..
plus, now i realize it doesn't fucking matter either way and i don't care nor does anyone care about anyone or anything and the way they look. so i'm still awkward. i just put myself in situations where i can handle it better perhaps.
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