[Brett Robinson]

things i do/have observed at concerts:

1) pass gas in large crowds. it's fun and there's no way to be embarassed, cuz even if your date is standing right next to you, blame it on someone else!

2) if i'm attending more than 1 show of a particular tour, i like to shout out the songs in advance if i know what the setlist is like. that's called "hey band XXX stop playing the same songs in the same order every fucking night."

3) if someone is wearing a SWANS t-shirt, they're my new best friend.

4) if i'm filming the show, and i usually am, if you talk to me during the process of recording, i'll spit excessively when i reply to your drunken question about getting a copy.

5) SY seems to attract a rediculous and excessive amount of tall, blond, floppy-haired dudes who always ruin the views of the shorter girls.

6) if you think dancing is cool, it should not involve bashing into others' bodies. if that's you, i've got 20+ years of rage pent up inside me that i like to let loose on you when you come at me at shows. i do not refrain from gouging eyes, kicking groins, applying force to pressure points i've been trained in, and in those few small districts that remain, lighting and flicking a cigarette right at you.

7) anyone with the balls to wear a NIRVANA t-shirt to a MELVINS concert gets props in my book.

8) crowd surfing is stupid. 10-15 people doing it out of a couple 1000 attending the show? yeah... we all want to watch out for your stupid body. if you come near me, i'm going for your wallet and/or hoping to watch you fall and break your neck. unless you're david yow.

9) share your fucking joints or i'm calling the cops

10) don't ask shellac during their Q+A session a) when some other band's album is coming out or b) when the rapeman reunion is.