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Although Saint Valentine's Day is a joyful day for most, Officer Randy must warn you that the antics of various citizens cause great stress to the emergency services each year. All the trouble caused is hard to stay on top of. If you are planning to celebrate this year, please be careful- take a long, hard look at yourself and follow these rules;
- If you are planning to engage in sexual intercourse today, stay safe and wear the appropriate protection. Helmets will spare any unwanted injuries sustained by say, banging one's head repeatedly against a headboard.
- Chocolate is tasty, but remember, your significant other may be allergic. Be sure to inquire to your chosen prostitute about her medical history.
- If you want to get laid, be sure to cleverly insert some sexual innuendo into your pick up lines. Masterful manipulation of this technique will help you stand erect from the crowd, and increase your chances of getting freaky with someone. They will feel the resonance of your words throbbing gently throughout the discourse.
Thanks, kids, and a happy valentine's day from Officer Randy!
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