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i'm really not even into all the drugs and shit anymore man
i just want a wholesome existence, idk. my hero is spider-man. dead ass. like he goes around trying to save everyone, splitting his responsibilities and he's misunderstood. seen as a menace, and he never gets credit for what he does. does he get aunt may's heart medication, stop a bank robbery or meet up with MJ on that date? hes just trying to do the most good
like my mom and aunt were adopted from poland yknow? so like my moms the schizo weird one and my dad's the type of dude who impregnates a schizo. both are hardly literate, and i grew up sorta raising myself, locked away in my room beating my dick, cranking up korn cd's and playing nintendo - terrified of my mom talking to herself and shaking, taking her medicine, spilling it everywhere, staining the carpet
my mom's sister and her husband had two kids. whole family is very much right wing. super into the military, air force, Catholicism, etc. i'll never fit in with them, and i never have
ive been doing some soul searching and i think that plays a big part of why i am the way i am. idk. rebelling against that idea of perfection yet so desperately wanting to be a part of it.
everyone tells me i need therapy, but im so scared theyll put me on meds thatll hurt me physically, like whats beeen happening to my mom
its time to face my demons though, i guess. i just always thought that maybe with enough art i could escape all this shit. guess not. i was so good to that girl too. she didn't appreciate what she had here. *sigh*
i wish there was somewhere for me to hang my hat that wasn't like some alt-right misogynist rabbit hole.
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