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sphairistike (obs): little-known 17th century legal defence, used against charges of 'that most serious and heinous crime, namely apple-stealing' to avoid hanging. The term is believed to have originated from the phrase 'was a fair mistake', and relies on the jury being unable to be certain if the property boundaries of the apple's owner were reasonably obvious to the alleged thief, or if he may have held an honest belief that he was on common ground. Most famously used in the defence, in 1678, of Tom Grumble, who had collected an estimated 234 apples from the trees of Mr Joshua Silverspoon. There was a history of bad feeling between the two, as Silverspoon had had Grumble horsewhipped several years earlier for 'gazing upon my fair daughter and thus tainting her with your very filthiness, you Luciferian peasant'. That said, the evidence seemed well-presented, the judge seemed well-bribed, and the 'guilty' verdict looked certain until Grumble's lawyer, Mr Ebeneezer Feesaregood, stunned the public gallery by declaring 'My client wishes to plead sphairistike'. The jury accepted that Grumble thought himself, by way of ancient satute, to be technically on the village green and found in his favour, and it is believed that it was this decision that led to the following summer's 'Apple Rebellion', when orchards owners across England would wake to find their trees bereft of fruit.
protoclastic
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