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Old 12.25.2016, 11:07 AM   #27
Severian
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dead_battery
across the years in my different user names i used to post A LOT about music, a shitload. all the time.

i made a few lists on threads like these.

now i have severe tinnitus and also dont care as much about music anymore. what i am into now is classical, 20th century stuff. i went to see a performance of messiaens pour le regarde sur l'efant jesus recently. a couple in the row in front where horrified, the lady walked out and the man stayed but shook his head in confused disgust every few minutes. i am sure they were expecting some sort of classic fm xmas lite music. i got off on seeing them get freaked out.

i can handle classical better but everything else just hurts the brain.

i don't really care about music like i used to, since what i am focused on now is reading. to get through the work day i will blast some opeth, pavement, tool, general old alt stuff from my younger days. for a while i was heavily into vaporwave and i tried talking about it on here but noone was that interested. i was also very heavily into black metal for years but don't care about it so much anymore.

what burnt me out of music was not just hearing everything and getting bored grinding against the dull limits of it, but never having any other human beings into the same shit as me. i mean, i know that probably noone else in my entire small country heard hairdryer peace before me. i ordered that lp before its release. i got very tired of my friends despising anything i was into, not understanding it and never being aware of it. also there was zero music scene were i lived and so i was a person into shit too weird for even the weird people in places like ny or sf nevermind a small irish town.

i basically gave myself tinnitus trying to live inside my headfones and desperately reaching into the music which could never satisfy me.

i am so bored and burnt out on alt/weird/indie/electronica stuff, like you are. that doesn't mean i think it's all bad. there are other people on here who you should look to for recommendations in those categories but i don't have the interest like i used to. kinda sad but it is what it is. tinnitus is perpetual hell and unless it goes away i don't want to make it worse with treble and noise. my brain is already scrambled enough. i can barely handle continuing to live at the moment so music is not a priority. what i want above all else, other than death, is SLEEP and SILENCE which i cant fucking get due to my ill health.

i went from a weirder than weird alt noise guy into a sensible jumper wearing snobby quiet bourgeois weirdo. i like weird and discordant modernist classical music now and that's probably all i'll ever care about.

I'm not sure who you're actually talking to, but I'm developing tinitus as well. I think it's been developing for about 10 years actually. Since around the age of 15, I made a point of going to as many concerts as possible. Local punk shows, regional bands from any place I visited, festivals, raves, blah blah. I went through a hardcore phase where I saw Botch something like 30 times, and tons of other basement-hopping louder as fuck bands. I think I used to gain part of my sense of self worth from my breadth of musical knowledge and the diversity of my tastes, which is sad as hell now. But for a while, many years actually, it was extremely hard for me to say "no" to a show.

Kicked into overdrive when I was an undergrad. I don't think I went a week without going to a show, even if it was just a house performance by a nothing band. I also played in four or five bands in those years, and I was of course way too "punk" (read: short-sighted and full of shit) to wear any kind of ear protection.

Now, and the for past few years, I have noticeable hearing loss and strange cut-outs in my hearing. But regarding tinnitus specifically, I hear a ghastly sound like a burst pipe slowly spewing gass a couple times a day. It gets louder and louder until it gets disorienting, then it usually subsides, but sometimes reduces into a dull hissing for the rest of the day.

I also hear ringing in my ears at random intervals throughout the day. It's scary as hell, mostly because music has always been my one true escape. If my hearing is permanently damaged to the point where I can no longer use headphones or go to shows, it will be like losing a limb. I swear. I guess there's always reading, which is the only passion I have that is equal at times to music, but my eyes are already super fucked up (in addition to needing glasses for basic vision corrections, I also have a musculature problem (esophoria and strabismus,) that requires me to need harsh prism lenses in rise to see correctly and safely) and will have to have surgery at some point to avoid legal blindness because of the rate at which the issue is worsening. SO as a substitute, reading isn't a sure thing.

How did you learn about your tinitus and how to manage it? I had my ears checked recently and I have a lot of scar tissue from inner ear infections which is making anything better, but the doctor didn't really say any thing about how to address the ringing/hissing, other than to "avoid loud music and concerts." Which -- well... fuck... I'm not ready for that shit.

Hey look, now you know a bunch of random shit about me and the degenerative toll that age and stupidity have taken on my body! Merry Christmas!!
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