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the key thing in this thread is to not blame yourself. blaming yourself is what you are supposed to do because either blame yourself or don't because noone gives a shit either way.
the entire system is a mess and it only exists to keep the rich in place and keep everyone else out. thats all that is going on.
if you can get into something like cog sci or something actually worthwhile and beneficial to humanity then why not just go for it - why not just go all guns blazing towards that goal because even if it becomes impossible you tried to actually contribute something to the world despite the world not giving much of a shit about you. you will sleep easy rather than regret it.
the problem is that anything good is likely to be ear marked by the nepotists for their own kin and walled off to anyone else.
the age thing is not worth worrying about. it doesnt matter. panic and guilt and regret are things that ideologues and sellers of pep talk products want to instill in you so they can manipulate you.
all middle class plus americans dream of civilized europe and vice versa for exciting or prosperous america. grass is greener.
that inhumanity and brutality you feel is a sign that you are actually in contact with reality and taking it into account in your decisions. this is a lot better place to be in than that of the guy sitting dreaming of the fantasy that is gonna come real - but he never does it and it never does and his actual reality falls to shit.
i have seen this in a great many men. going to be famous, going to be this or that, going to get rich quick. and i have witnessed their actual time slip away beneath this fantasy. its not like they dont know this and arent constantly telling themselves to make the move - the problem is their is no move, there is nothing they can do, its just a fantasy. one that exists only to offer them solace from their actual reality. and people like this always make idiot moves.
but if you can actually face your actual reality - then you can make moves inside it and you can also come to feel what little substance it actually has, and it loses its power to suffocate you.
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